Teresa Enke on depression, the pandemic and moments of happiness.
In 2009, Bundesliga goalkeeper Robert Enke took his own life. He had suffered from severe depression for several years. His wife Teresa then founded the Robert Enke Foundation to break the taboo surrounding the illness in society. In this interview, she talks about the disease and how everyone involved can find a good way to deal with it. Her appeal is for empathy, personal responsibility and a focus on our children in the current pandemic.
Teresa Enke: It is difficult to manage the situation at home. People gradually become overwhelmed by the situation and run out of patience. It is important to stay in the daily routine. It's best to set your alarm clock in the morning, get yourself and the children ready and stick to a fixed daily routine. Otherwise, you run the risk of running around in your pyjamas all day. Another important point is keeping in touch with other people. Call family, friends and acquaintances from time to time. Talking to them helps during this difficult time. We must never give up hope that things will get better.
The good thing about the pandemic is that many people can now put themselves in the shoes of someone who is depressed. Some are struggling with depression right now, realizing how difficult the feeling of loneliness can be or what a burden hopelessness and listlessness can be.
If you can no longer see anything positive, can no longer manage to get out of bed, can no longer maintain contact or no longer enjoy things that used to give you great pleasure. If you have the feeling that this state no longer lasts, then something is wrong. As soon as a person can no longer take care of their well-being, they need help.
You also have to remember that depression is an illness that can affect people of all ages. It doesn't always affect adults in the middle of life, it can also affect children and young people. That's why we need to take particularly good care of them and ask how they are doing, especially during the coronavirus pandemic. It is particularly important now to give them a structure, to show them opportunities for sport or music and not to leave them alone with media consumption or high school demands.
If depression has actually been diagnosed, then it is an interplay between the sufferer, the therapist and family and friends. Regular therapy is of course important, but it depends on the severity of the depression. There are mild depressive phases where you feel bad or have problems coping with everyday life. This takes a lot of effort, but you can also heal yourself. You just need to know what you need to do to get out of it.
When you have a serious illness, like my late husband Robert at the time, you can no longer take care of yourself. Everything is so difficult that even getting up in the morning seems impossible. Unfortunately, the illness is not as visible as a broken leg, for example, so people suffering from depression have to justify why they can't get out of bed.
It's a difficult line to walk. It is important for relatives to be there and signal to the other person: "I know you are ill and I will help you". Outsiders should always offer their willingness to take part in joint activities. You will also often be turned down, but this should not be taken personally, it has to do with the illness of the person concerned. I therefore recommend always staying in contact, encouraging but not putting pressure on the person with the illness. Basically, we are giving the person affected unconditional empathy.
It is also important that family members do not allow themselves to be crushed by the fact that few feelings are coming from the person affected. It is especially important as a partner to know that the person is currently ill. You should always compare this with other illnesses. For example, if I feel very ill or am in a lot of pain, I can't be understanding with my partner.
There is one thing you must always be aware of: a relative is not a therapist! As a partner or friend, you can support the person affected, but you are not responsible for their recovery. And: Helpers also need help and must give themselves the opportunity to let their own emotions run free from time to time.
It's important to talk about it openly. My late husband and I often talked about it. But those affected don't always reveal their true thoughts about it. Therefore, the question cannot be generalized.
What I didn't realize before, but which is now a clear warning sign for me, is when people who are very seriously ill suddenly start to blossom again. This can be an indication that the decision has been made and that the days leading up to suicide will be easier. It was the same with Robbi. In principle, suicidal intentions are always a medical emergency and require treatment.
I always look ahead. I try to see something positive in the tragedy. The two years with my daughter Lara were hard, but also wonderful, and I would always accompany her on this journey again. Back then, her heart condition called us to stand up for other children with heart disease and help them. I still do this today with the Robert Enke Foundation.
After Robbi died, I knew I had to be strong because I had responsibilities for our second daughter Leila, the family and the animals. I also acted out my grief, but I knew I had to carry on, otherwise I would get ill too. My second daughter Leila gave me a lot of strength.
Happiness is a moment for me. Moments of happiness are when I sit on the beach with my children in Portugal and look into the sea. For me, it's always great when everyone is together: Children, family, friends, dogs. When you consciously realize that you're together at that exact moment, that's happiness for me!
Teresa Enke is Chairwoman of the Robert Enke Foundation and wife of the German Bundesliga goalkeeper Robert Enke, who died in 2009. The foundation supports measures and facilities that serve to raise awareness of depression and children's heart disease.