Puberty and lockdown are a toxic combination. This is how parents can help.
Meetings in large groups, unauthorized parties and disregarding social distancing rules: The behavior of young people in public is being targeted particularly sharply in times of corona, and they are quickly labeled as drivers of the pandemic. But you have to be careful with this judgment. pme parenting consultant Kyra Wetzel reports on the difficult situation of young people and gives tips on how parents can support their pubescent children in times of corona.
Young people are better than their reputation. The SINUS Youth Study 2020 has shown that young people are largely complying with the coronavirus measures and acting responsibly. In the vast majority of cases, they are prepared to cut back when it comes to their lifestyle, meetings with friends and other things that were once taken for granted. They usually do this out of a sense of responsibility for their fellow human beings, be it their own family, older people around them or society as a whole.
In times of corona, the life of an adolescent is particularly difficult, because corona and puberty are a toxic combination! This stage of development is all about gaining autonomy, setting yourself apart from your parents and developing your own rules. But corona is throwing a spanner in the works: instead of finding their own way, they have to be together with their parents all the time because of the lockdown - even though they are actually only interested in their friends.
pme parent advisor Kyra Wetzel also emphasizes that the lack of social contact is particularly difficult for young people. For young people, the peer group, together with the family, is the most important school in their lives. They miss their freedom and the ease of life. Every day is the same, there is little variety. This fosters a feeling of loneliness, and the sense of freedom is lost. In addition, control and restrictions are particularly annoying at this age. But this is precisely the time when parents have to take responsibility for the coronavirus-related restrictions imposed on their children.
Conflicts in the family increase during the coronavirus crisis Kyra Wetzel reports that conflicts in families have increased during the coronavirus period. Families are spending much more time together. Added to this are the excessive demands and stress caused by home schooling and working from home. The lack of variety in everyday life exacerbates the situation. The family is completely thrown back on itself. Conflicts that you might have been able to avoid before now escalate much more easily and new ones arise. This takes a toll, as all family members are under a lot of stress and frustration in their own way and, understandably, nerves are often frayed.
The lack of structure provided by school in particular also has an impact. Developmental neuropsychologist Anja Karlmeier from the Bodelschwingh Foundation Bethel emphasizes that the brain development of children and young people is inextricably linked to their social and societal development, i.e. the opportunities they have to develop in family, school and leisure time. The school closures and contact restrictions therefore have direct consequences.
The COPSY (Corona and Psyche) study by the University Medical Center Hamburg-Eppendorf shows that more than 70% of the children and adolescents surveyed feel emotionally burdened by the corona crisis. This is reflected in anxiety, stress and depression, among other things. Psychosomatic clinics are currently receiving an increasing number of adolescents who are struggling with eating disorders, anxiety and obsessive-compulsive disorders. There are young people who withdraw more and more and hardly leave the house or react with compulsive disorders such as excessive handwashing. As paradoxical as it sounds, this is an attempt to regain control.
So young people suffer immensely in these times. But how do parents deal with this situation when the potential for conflict is already high? How do you organize family life? And should rules on media consumption etc. be maintained or should the leash be loosened?
Kyra Wetzel advises deciding together with the family when to have a media-free time. An outright ban or strict rules will lead to more conflict in most cases. Not all media consumption is the same. A distinction must be made between leisure, learning and information consumption. Young people have a right to participate in cultural life and a right to access the media. Parents should therefore carefully consider how much time their children are allowed to spend in their alternative media environment.
As parents, you should also offer alternatives. This could be a walk together, a games evening or cooking together. And: As parents, be a role model and pay attention to how you use digital media yourself. Clear agreements made together strengthen the relationship and trust between parents and young people and prevent conflicts.
The coronavirus pandemic and all the resulting measures affect us all. However, it is necessary to take a special look at the next generation, who should be setting the course for a successful adult life right now. This valuable time is characterized by isolation, loneliness and restrictions due to the coronavirus crisis. The young people of today are the backbone of our society and the decision-makers of tomorrow. They should therefore have the best possible conditions to develop well.
Kyra Wetzel is a parenting consultant at the Stuttgart branch of pme Familienservice and also has product responsibility for the Concierge, Relocation & Outplacement division