How to promote resilience in children.
Ups and downs are part of our children's lives. Every day, they face new challenges, have to solve problems, look for ways out, find their place in the group or endure blinding adversity. How well they cope depends on their inner resilience. We have tips for parents on how to promote resilience in their children and strengthen them emotionally.
Resilience describes the mental resistance to the daily challenges that children are confronted with. There are many factors that repeatedly put children's emotional lives to the test:
How well children cope and overcome everyday challenges depends on their inner strength.
Most parents want their children to be strong. They don't want unpleasant things to throw them off course straight away, they want them to take everyday life in their stride and enjoy interacting with other people. But it's not always that simple. Parents are worried when their children aren't doing well and can't find their way back to balance on their own. We provide ten pointers on what parents can do to support their children.
If parents want to teach and convey empathy, it is important to understand their viewpoint and perspective in all interactions with their children. It helps to empathize with the child's feelings, thoughts and attitudes.
If parents are unsure how to communicate empathy to their children, the following questions can help to clarify the situation:
In order to strengthen their own actions, parents should also ask themselves what childhood experiences they themselves had. It is useful to reflect on which episodes with your own mother or father were particularly bad and which you tend to forget. It is also important to take a close look at how your own parents reacted when they made mistakes.
Ideally, communication between parents and their children should be characterized by openness, empathy, recognition, curiosity and interest. An important prerequisite for resilient children is to actively listen to them, understand what they are saying and let them finish what they are saying. Parents should avoid accusatory "you" messages and not hurt their children's feelings. If the situation does become heated and feelings are boiling over, parents should try to express their concerns in "I" messages and explain why they are not feeling well.
If you are still unsure about how to communicate effectively with your children, think about the following questions:
The parenting style of parents is shaped by different influences. Their own upbringing, certain experiences from the past or anchored beliefs all play a role. Parents often use the same parenting methods over and over again. But not every child is the same. Parents don't get anywhere with some parenting methods. If the approach seems unsuccessful, it is not our children that need to be changed, but our own approach. To do this, it helps to look for new solutions and to rewrite or rephrase the old, stagnant scripts.
The inner strength of our children is shaped by the love we give them. It is the source of our children's strength.
Parents convey love by
Some parents have certain expectations of what a child should be like and which characteristics fulfill the ideal image. However, such expectations can create pressure and disappointment on both sides. Children want to please their parents and be accepted by them. Therefore, accept your child with their unique and individual temperament and set realistic expectations. This will strengthen your child.
A child's resilience depends on experiencing success in areas of life that they consider important. It is therefore necessary to repeatedly give children the opportunity to be successful and to let them know that what they achieve is based on their inner resources. Appreciate your child's achievements and show your pleasure about them openly. Think carefully about what your child is good at and what they enjoy.
Resilient children with great inner strength see mistakes as an opportunity to learn something and attribute them to factors that can be changed. It is the job of parents to help their children develop a healthy view of their own mistakes from an early age. Please note the following steps:
Children really enjoy being a helper. Support this willingness by giving your child opportunities to help others with tasks that they can manage. As a parent, appreciate your child's willingness to help and encourage this trait. Last but not least: Show yourself as a role model worth striving for.
Resilient children are not afraid to make decisions and are able to tackle and solve problems. You can encourage this characteristic by offering your child simple and not too many choices or by choosing them together. Motivate your child to think about solutions and don't always tell them what to do. Give problems space by addressing them and then go looking for solutions together with your child.
When we live in a community with other people, we are bound by certain rules that enable us to live together. This also applies to the community of a family. To ensure that children do not experience certain rules as coercion, it is important to include their opinions. Involve your children when you set rules and define the consequences for breaking them. Don't forget to explain the meaning and significance of boundaries and consequences to them.