One in four women is affected by violence in their own home.
It is invisible and affects one in four women: violence in the home. Out of fear, shame and because there are still too many gaps in the support system, only a few women seek help and manage to escape the cycle of violence.
First he pushed her, then he spat in her face, insulted her and said it was her own fault. It all started because she came home half an hour later than we had arranged and he was supposedly jealous. Later there were also kicks and he threatened to beat up the dog if she didn't behave. He then apologized and promised never to do it again. For years, what her husband did to Susanne M. remained hidden: domestic violence.
The story of Susanne M. is fictional, but it is the story of many women. And it is brutal, contemptuous and degrading. Domestic violence not only leaves scars and wounds on the body, but above all in the soul, because it takes place in a place that should give us protection and security: our own home. It can consist of physical, psychological and sexualized violence or economic violence if the woman is financially dependent on her partner or is afraid of losing her residence permit in the event of a divorce. In most cases, the women concerned experience several forms of violence at the same time.
One in four women in Germany will be the victim of physical or sexual violence by their current or previous partner at least once in their lives. The World Health Organization (WHO) classifies violence against women as the most common act of violence against women worldwide. Every third day, a man in Germany murders his wife, girlfriend or ex. What does not even appear in the statistics are suicides committed by women out of shame or because they see no other way out of the daily hell of violence and threats. Men are also affected by domestic violence, but in four out of five cases the victims are female.
Despite the systematic brutality, humiliation and abuse, sometimes over many years, a third of all women affected remain in the relationships. This is where the work of victim counselor and trauma educator Henrike Kr�smann from the Berlin Initiative against Violence against Women (BIG) comes in. The aim: to help women out of violent partnerships and offer them a new perspective. Coordinator Henrike Kr�smann and her colleagues inform those affected about help and arrange places in women's shelters.
However, one of the counsellors' first tasks is often to make the women concerned aware of the cycle of violence they are in and that they have a right to help and support: "The women often blame themselves for the violence because the thought is easier to bear and it gives them the feeling that they can change something and influence it," explains Kr�smann. �And because they also know their partners fondly and have fond memories of a time together." The women are stuck in a cycle of violence and remorse on the part of the perpetrator, which repeatedly gives them hope that everything will be okay again. However, experience shows that most men who have struck once will do it again. The intensity of the violence then usually increases.
It is a vicious cycle that only a few women break. Most only manage to separate if they live alone (31%) or the violence becomes too severe and children are involved (36%). Statistically, it takes a woman up to seven attempts before she leaves the relationship. Threats from partners that they will find them everywhere or the fear that no one will believe them make women stay with their partners. �When children are involved, the mothers are very afraid of social decline and that the children will be taken away from them by the youth welfare office,� says Henrike Kr�smann. Many of the women have been financially dependent on their partner for years and do not know how they can afford an apartment with the few resources they have. However, partner violence runs through the whole of society. �We have found that women in higher education and income brackets are not less likely to be affected by serious partner violence,� says Monika Schr�ttle, who presented the only national representative dark field study on the subject in 2004. Regardless of the social environment in which the women live, one thing is clear and important to Henrike Kr�smann: �The women will only make it out if they find a good help system and support.
When women contact Henrike Kr�smann, it is important to get advice and help quickly. But this is precisely the catch: although the BIG hotline is staffed every day from 8 a.m. to 11 p.m., including at weekends and on public holidays, overloads on the hotline are no exception. There are too few advisors, women often cannot reach anyone or have to wait too long on hold.
Since the coronavirus pandemic, inquiries have been increasing, and not just at the BIG in Berlin. Jutta Dreyer is head of life coaching at pme Familienservice, which offers psychological help in acute crisis situations in addition to advice and coaching for professional and private problems. The systemic family therapist also has the impression that more couples are reporting arguments and violence at home this year: �The restricted freedom of movement during the lockdown has led to great stress and tension for many couples, which then leads to arguments, insults and, in the worst case, violence. Couples and families in particular, who have already had problems before, are now under great pressure, which no longer finds an outlet outside the home, for example when playing sport or meeting others in person. Alcohol certainly also plays a role, as many people have increased their consumption during the lockdown. But perhaps more women are now coming forward and daring to seek help more quickly because the issue has simply become more visible during the coronavirus pandemic. Neighbors are also more likely to take notice now.
It is not only the counseling work for women affected by violence that faces enormous challenges, but also the women's shelters. The problem is that they are full, and not just since the coronavirus outbreak. For years, staff have been complaining that they cannot offer enough places to the women affected and have to turn away hundreds of women and their children seeking help every year. �In Berlin, women and their children sometimes have to stay in a women's shelter for up to a year or longer because the housing market does not have any affordable apartments and the women do not know where to go,� says Kr�smann.
There are no reliable figures yet on whether the number of inquiries to advice centers and women's shelters has increased since the coronavirus pandemic at the beginning of the year. However, in March 2020, Federal Minister for Family Affairs Giffey called on countries to rent hotel rooms and vacation apartments as places of refuge in order to relieve the burden on women's shelters during the lockdown. Michael Kunkel is an advisor on the pme Familienservice life situation hotline in Frankfurt am Main and has found that there is still a lack of suitable accommodation: "I was looking for a safe place for a client with a four-year-old child. The women's shelters in the area were all full. I couldn't be offered a place via the central hotline either, so I had to call the women's shelters individually. In the end, we found a place in a women's shelter, but it was almost 70 km away, so not near my workplace or childcare center. It must be ensured that those affected and their children receive appropriate help immediately.
More staff on the telephone and advice hotlines, more shelters for women and their children: the good thing about the coronavirus crisis is that these demands are now falling on open ears. Normally, the issue of domestic violence always receives a lot of attention exactly once a year, when the global day of action "Violence Against Women" is celebrated on November 25. This year, when people should not leave their homes in order to minimize the risk of infection, domestic violence is once again attracting more public attention: in political debates, in newspaper articles and on advertising posters. The #sicherheim initiative, for example, is raising awareness of domestic violence with a nationwide campaign.
Henrike Kr�smann welcomes the fact that the topic is now being discussed more publicly and that people are becoming more aware of it. However, she also points out that domestic violence has disappeared from public perception for too long. The last study on domestic violence was conducted in 2014, and the only explanation for why there have been no subsequent studies is that the topic was apparently not socially relevant. The virus will eventually disappear from the public debate, but hopefully the perception of domestic violence will not.
Henrike Kr�smann ist Koordinatorin der Bereiche Kinder und Jugendliche sowie t�terorientierte Intervention bei BIG, der Berliner Initiative gegen Gewalt an Frauen.
https://www.big-koordinierung.de
Quellen und Studien:https://www.berlin.de/sen/frauen/keine-gewalt/haeusliche-gewalt
We support the employees of our contract customers with problems in a wide variety of life situations - individually, confidentially, 24 hours a day - and offer immediate psychological help in acute crisis situations, provide advice in cases of child endangerment and refer to women's shelters as well as to further counseling centers and other support options.
Contact: Jutta Dreyer, Product Manager Life Situation Coaching
E-mail: jutta.dreyer@familienservice.de
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