Online advice: �The barriers are in your head�

"I'm amazed at how quickly people open up during online counseling," says psychologist Mandy Simon.

No waiting times, locally flexible and no risk of infection: online counseling is experiencing an upward trend during the coronavirus crisis. Psychologist Mandy Simon has been working on the life coaching hotline at pme Familienservice for eleven years. We spoke to her about the possibilities of online counseling and the help it offers.

Ms. Simon, what questions and problems do you offer to help with?

Mandy Simon: Our customers can call us about any situation in life, whether personal or professional. It could be problems in a relationship, difficulties working from home, financial worries, trouble with a colleague or simply the feeling that I'm not feeling well at the moment.

It sounds like I can turn to online advice for just about any problem?

Yes, our primary goal is not to leave anyone out in the cold and to make the rucksack lighter for the person calling. If I realize that my counterpart needs more external help, then I look for local support. For example, when it comes to separation issues and child maintenance and custody. I would then refer my client to a family law solicitor, but would still be available as a contact person for psychosocial support.   

�I get immediate help with online advice.�

What is the difference between online counseling or coaching and a therapy session?

We coaches work with methods that help people to rediscover their personal coping mechanisms and trust in themselves. For example, when there is a great fear of being tested, when a couple's relationship is on the rocks or when the job is getting on top of you. Psychotherapy is aimed at people who feel restricted in their everyday lives by their problem, so that more intensive treatment and other methods are needed. And only those with a license to practice psychotherapy are allowed to treat people psychotherapeutically. The difference therefore lies in the level of suffering and the restrictions in everyday life.

And I have to wait a very long time for a therapy place.

Usually up to three months and often even longer. By then, a problem may have passed or been swallowed up, or the courage to face it may be gone. With online counseling, I get help immediately. And the coach or counselor can also provide me with good support while I'm waiting for a place in therapy, for example.
 

"Whether in person, by video or on the phone: it's about someone taking time for me and my concerns."

How can online advisors build trust with their clients despite the lack of personal contact?

Counseling work is relationship work. I build trust by signaling to my counterpart: I am taking time for you and I am only here for you and your concerns. It doesn't matter whether I do this in person, in video coaching or on the phone. At the end of the day, it's all about one thing: I have a counterpart who engages with me and takes the time to find constructive solutions together.

Of course, there is always a personal component, for example if I don't like the voice of my advisor.

The fact that I don't like a coach could also happen to me in a personal consultation.

That is true. In this respect, the difference here is not as great as one might generally believe. I think the barrier to engaging in online counseling is more in the mind. My colleagues and I are always amazed at how quickly people open up, whether on the phone or in a video consultation.

Why do you think some people open up more quickly on the phone or in video consultation?

For some people, it is in fact much easier if they cannot see the facial expressions of the advisor, as they quickly become upset if they see even the slightest doubt or mistrust in the other person's eyes. Telephone counseling can also have the advantage of eliminating certain evaluation mechanisms: What does my advisor look like? How old is he or she? How is the room furnished? Many customers can concentrate better on the advice and their concerns over the phone.

There are also people who find it very difficult to open up on the phone and want to see the person they are talking to. In this respect, we have the right medium for everyone: telephone, video or in person.

So it is possible to switch from online advice to face-to-face advice?

Yes, exactly. It is possible to switch flexibly between the different forms of advice, i.e. to first make a phone call and then come to our offices for a face-to-face meeting - with the appropriate distancing and hygiene measures in place, of course.

Otherwise you might offer a glass of water. How do you replace small gestures on the phone or via video to make it easier to start a conversation?

By first introducing my clients to our online coaching system, explaining everything to them at their leisure and doing short exercises with them so that they can use the tool well. In this way, we create a personal and tangible framework in which we can get to know each other in a relaxed manner.

For some, it's easier if they can't see their coach's facial expressions.

Can you understand that there are advisors who are critical of online advice and believe that it is no substitute for a face-to-face meeting?

I can certainly understand that, because it is a different form of counseling that counselors, therapists, coaches and clients have to get used to first, of course. Nevertheless, I would like to encourage you to try it out and see: Is it really restricting me that much and am I denying myself support because of it? Especially now in the corona crisis, when personal advice would not be recommended anyway.

Do I have to know anything different as an online consultant or online coach than when I give advice in person?

We have an online coaching tool that all our coaches must know and learn to use. We provide regular training and make sure that everyone is and remains on the same level. We also train each other so that we can use it safely and concentrate fully on providing advice.

And apart from the technology?

For example, if I am advising a couple online and I notice that they are not looking at each other at all, then of course I have to think about how I can ensure that they don't both start talking to each other. For me, however, this has more to do with sensitivity than with certain skills that I can learn on a course.

"The coronavirus restrictions mean that our previous compensations no longer apply."

What do your customers particularly appreciate?

That someone takes the time to tell them everything that concerns or worries them, and that someone listens and provides new impetus in the form of recommendations for action.

What is particularly worrying people at the moment?

The basic stress level is increasing. Due to the coronavirus restrictions, many of our previous compensatory measures, such as having a drink with friends after work or going to the gym, are no longer possible. The duties remain, the fun disappears. Of course, this is stressful and you have to compensate for this lack of balance in other ways, which isn't easy.

Then there are colds, flu and coronavirus in winter. We go into quarantine, work from home and perhaps have to look after the children at the same time. Sooner or later, we reach our natural limits and need an outlet. None of us is Superman or Superwoman, even if we would all like to be.