Loving parental guidance

Children need loving guidance. They want their parents to grow up, not be the same. But what does that actually mean? And how does that work? We don't want to use outdated parenting methods. But sometimes we can't think of better alternatives. Especially when things get heated, we sometimes blow the fuses. And nothing is gained afterwards. Even those who effortlessly set the tone at work often capitulate to the wishes and whims of their children. At the same time, parents feel that their sons and daughters need good guidance from adults in order to become confident, resilient and responsible adults. How can you reconcile all these different needs? Where do I stay? Where are we as a couple? How do we manage to deal with our "highly explosive", "sensitive" or otherwise (supposedly) "special" children so that everyday family life is defined by calmness rather than arguments and stress in the future?