20.03.2026 Sabrina Ludwig 16329

Violence at home: "It happens in all social classes"

We talk to Jutta Dreyer, family therapist and counselor at the pme's life situation hotline Familienservice. The Lebenslagen-Hotline offers its contractual partners' employees anonymous and free initial and crisis counseling for women, children and other people affected by domestic violence.

Ms. Dreyer, where does domestic violence begin?

Jutta Dreyer: Domestic violence refers to violence that occurs within a couple or marriage. However, it can also be committed between siblings, against children by their parents or against parents by adolescent children. In our counseling sessions, we also often encounter cases where older people experience violence at the hands of their family caregivers. In most cases, domestic violence happens in the home.

Domestic violence ranges from insults, prohibitions, threats and humiliation to physical, psychological, sexual and economic violence if the victims are financially dependent on the perpetrator. In most cases, those affected experience several of these forms of violence at the same time.

Domestic violence increasingly includes digital violence . In a growing number of cases, victims are confronted with partners or ex-partners who publish intimate images or use them in so-called deepfakes to discredit them. Or surveillance software is secretly installed on their cell phone to digitally stalk and control them. The goal here is to make the person feel unsafe everywhere.

Who is affected by domestic violence?

Domestic violence exists in all social classes and anyone can be affected by it. As a rule, it is women who experience physical, psychological and sexual violence at the hands of their partners. There are also men who are victims of domestic violence. However, in four out of five cases, women are the victims.

You said that children are also victims of domestic violence.

If children live in the household, they are often victims of physical abuse themselves or are extremely affected because they have to witness the violence and the climate of fear and intimidation. The children often try to protect their mother and are exposed to conflicts of loyalty towards their father. The children usually suffer psychological consequences for a very long time and show behavioral abnormalities as well as anxiety and developmental disorders.

What are the most common forms of domestic violence you encounter in your counseling practice?

In the case of domestic violence, a distinction must be made between spontaneous conflict behavior and systematic controlling behavior. In the case of systematic violence, the perpetrator is concerned with dominating the relationship and exercising power. The victims here are almost exclusively women. Violence as spontaneous conflict behavior arises from affect when an argument or conflict escalates. Incidentally, women and men are equally affected by this.

Why do many women stay in relationships?

Many women are afraid that the situation could escalate at the moment of separation. This is why it is important in counseling to be very careful at this point, to develop an emergency plan and to put everything in place to protect the women and their children. On the other hand, many women have financial fears, are worried about taking their children out of their familiar environment and do not know whether they will be able to cope with the changes after a separation. Most men are also very loving again at times. The perpetrators often apologize after they have been violent and promise never to do it again. As a result, many women hope that things will get better again.

How can you help women to decide?

For many women, it is important that they are met where they are and that someone listens to them without exerting pressure or forcing them to make a decision. We inform them about their rights and the options for help and support so that they can decide for or against a separation. It is important that we draw a "picture" together with the women that includes a future that can work from their point of view. We want to encourage the women to recognize their strengths and resources and to see what they have already achieved.

Violence in the home: Children suffer particularly badly. Child protection experts can help.

If a woman decides to separate, how do you help?

Of course, this depends very much on the situation the woman is in. If the situation threatens to escalate, we do everything we can to protect her: we call the police for support or a cab if things have to move quickly. If the women want to leave their homes, we research women's shelters, look for other safe places such as boarding houses or think about which friends or relatives they could find a safe place with.

For many women, however, counseling is a first step towards finding out what the way out of violence could look like, what their options are and where financial help is available.

What to do if children are affected by domestic violence? How can they be protected?

If children are affected by domestic violence and we have the impression that they are in acute danger, then we are also obliged to act. I also advise mothers to inform the youth welfare office if their children are affected by violence. In my experience, the youth welfare offices are very well thought out and professional and try to support the families very well. We also have child protection experts in our counseling service who we can call in if we wish.

What many women don't know: There is a right to physical integrity. This means that the moment a person is threatened in their own home, it is decided through the courts that the home is awarded to the victim and the partner must leave.

What services are available for men who no longer want to be perpetrators?

There are programs for perpetrators, and they are very successful if the men are willing to get involved and want to change their behaviour. Anyone who would like to find out more can contact the men's counseling centers.

Thank you very much for the interview!

Digital Violence: Protective Measures and Legal Action

Digital violence is a serious threat. If you are a victim, there are concrete steps you can take to protect yourself and fight back.

General Immediate Measures & Key Principles

• Preserve evidence: Take screenshots of all relevant interactions. Save messages, images, and profiles. Always note the date, time, and platform where the incident occurred. This documentation is crucial for any potential legal action.
• Block the perpetrator: Block the person in question on all platforms. If necessary, change your username so that they can no longer find you directly.
• Secure your accounts: Change your passwords immediately and enable two-factor authentication (2FA) wherever possible. This applies to all your accounts, especially email, social media, and cloud services.
• Seek help: You don’t have to deal with this situation on your own. Talk to people you trust and reach out to professional counseling services.

Resources for those affected:

• "Violence Against Women" Helpline: Call 116 016 for free, anonymous, 24/7 support.
• myprotectify.org: A platform by and for people experiencing domestic violence.
• HateAid: Provides specialized counseling and legal support for victims of online abuse.
• Weisser Ring: Supports victims of crime, including cases of cyberstalking.

Forms of Digital Violence and Targeted Countermeasures

1. Cyberstalking

This refers to persistent stalking and harassment through unwanted messages or the monitoring of online activities.

Countermeasures: 

• Ignore & Block: Do not respond to attempts to contact you. Any response could be misinterpreted by the stalker as "encouragement." Be sure to block the person on all platforms.
• Check your privacy settings: Set your social media profiles to "private." Check who can see your posts, and remove that person from your followers or friends list.
• Inform those around you: Let your friends and family know so they don’t unwittingly pass on information to the stalker.
• Protect your location data: Turn off the GPS feature for your social media apps and avoid posting your live location.

Legal action:

• File a police report: Cyberstalking is a criminal offense classified as "harassment" (Section 238 of the German Criminal Code). Filing a report is the most important step toward putting an end to the stalking. Bring all the evidence you have gathered with you to the police.
• Apply for a protection order: You can obtain a temporary restraining order from the court that prohibits the abuser from contacting you or approaching you. This also applies to digital communication.

2. Image-based violence (e.g., "revenge porn")

The unauthorized creation, sharing, or threat of distribution of intimate images.

Countermeasures:

• Notify the platforms: Immediately report the content to the operators of the websites or social media platforms and request that it be removed. Use the designated "Report" buttons to do so.
• Use the "StopNCII.org" tool: This tool helps proactively prevent the distribution of intimate images. You can use it to generate a digital fingerprint (hash) of your images. Participating platforms will then automatically block the upload of these images without you having to hand over the originals.
• Do not give in to blackmail: If you are threatened with disclosure, do not pay any money. This usually does not solve the problem and can make the situation worse.

Legal action:

• Reporting a crime to the police: Creating and distributing such recordings without consent is a criminal offense (Section 201a of the German Criminal Code (StGB), Section 184g of the German Criminal Code (StGB), Sections 22 and 33 of the German Artistic Copyright Act (KUG)).
• Legal assistance: A lawyer can help you enforce claims for injunctive relief and damages and expedite the removal of the content.

3. Deepfakes

Realistic-looking fake images, videos, or audio recordings designed to portray you in a false light.

Countermeasures:

• Report and Have It Removed: Report the fake content to the platform operators immediately.
• Clarification: Depending on the situation and after consulting with an advisory service, it may be advisable to make the forgery public in order to regain control over the narrative.
• Reverse image search: Tools like Google Images or TinEye can sometimes help you find the original material used to create the fake. This can serve as evidence of manipulation.

Legal action:

• Criminal Complaint: Even though there is no specific "deepfake law," such acts are punishable by law. Depending on the content, they may constitute offenses such as insult (§ 185 StGB), defamation (§ 186 StGB), slander (§ 187 StGB), or a violation of the right to one's own image.

4. Digital Surveillance & Stalkerware

The misuse of tracking apps to monitor your smartphone activity.

Countermeasures:

• Check your smartphone: Go through the list of your installed apps. Look for apps you don't recognize or that have suspicious names (e.g., "System Service").
• Anti-stalkerware apps: Programs like Malwarebytes or specialized tools from antivirus vendors can detect and remove such surveillance apps.
• Factory reset (last resort): If you’re certain you’re being monitored but can’t find the app, resetting your device to factory settings is the safest option. Warning: Be sure to back up your important data first, but don’t restore an old backup, as it may contain spyware.
• Change your passwords: Immediately after uninstalling the software, change all your passwords, especially those for your email and cloud accounts (Apple ID, Google Account).

Legal action:

• Reporting a crime to the police: The unauthorized installation of surveillance software is a criminal offense (Section 202a of the German Criminal Code: Interception of data; Section 202b of the German Criminal Code: Interception of data).
• Important: Ideally, have your device backed up by IT forensic experts or the police before the software is removed, so that the incident can be documented in a way that preserves the evidence.

The following apps can help you find such software:

• Malwarebytes: This app is known for its ability to detect and remove malware and spyware from mobile devices. It also offers protection against stalkerware.
• Avira: Avira offers mobile security solutions that are also effective at detecting stalkerware.
• Avast: Avast also offers mobile security solutions to protect against unwanted spyware.
• Clario Anti Spy: This tool automatically scans your device for hidden spyware, suspicious apps, and system-level tampering—issues commonly found in lists of stalkerware apps.
• Protectstar Anti Spy: This app scans for suspicious profiles, excessive permissions, or known stalkerware remnants and provides clear recommendations for action.