Podcast graphic with photos of psychotherapist Stefanie Stahl and podcast host Olli Schmidt
Psyche
04.02.2026 Sabrina Ludwig 2564

Episode 45: Learning to understand and regulate emotions

Why do we sometimes overreact even though the situation doesn't really warrant it? Why do some people suppress their feelings? In this episode of "Heiter bis stürmisch" (Cheerful to Stormy), Olli talks to Germany's most famous psychotherapist, Stefanie Stahl, about emotion regulation.

How can we learn to control our emotions better? How can looking back at the past and our "inner child" help us understand our feelings?

That's what this episode is about:

  • Why we are not helplessly at the mercy of our emotions
  • Why we overreact in some situations
  • How childhood experiences shape our emotions
  • What happens when we suppress feelings
  • Practical tips for immediate assistance in acute situations

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Excerpt from the podcast interview with Stefanie Stahl:

Ms. Stahl, are we at the mercy of our emotions?

Stefanie Stahl: There are different approaches. One is prevention: I prepare myself mentally for situations that I know will trigger me. For example, a family celebration. Another is to reflect on old triggers that are related to your own past—I call this the shadow child. And the third option is, once the emotion is already there, to ask yourself: How can I get out of this?

How can I tell if I have problems regulating my emotions? 

When I repeatedly overreact emotionally —with anger, hurt feelings, jealousy. Often you only notice this in hindsight. Or when you feel too little. There are people who function very well but have little access to their feelings. Both extremes can be problematic: too strong feelings or too little feeling.

In your book, you talk about the "inner child." What do you mean by that?

I will illustrate this with a specific example, which is also a key example in my book "Das Kind in dir muss Heimat finden" (The Child Within You Must Find a Home): Michael, who grew up with three siblings. His parents were self-employed and ran a bakery, and they were really overwhelmed and unable to give all their children the attention they needed. As a result, little Michael often felt neglected. Young children don't feel and think that their mom and dad are completely overwhelmed. They feel and think: I am the problem. I am a burden. I am not important. 

And that is how inner belief systems come about. As an adult, Michael, for example, is triggered when he finds himself in situations where he feels overlooked and not properly noticed— for example, when his girlfriend is a few minutes late for a date. Then he feels invisible again, gets angry, and an argument ensues. These old patterns run automatically, without freedom of choice.

So the anger masks the actual hurt?

When Michael is aware of his conditioning, he can catch himself, switch to his adult self, and calm himself down. Because it's not about what happens, but how I interpret it.

Where can I start to make a difference?

The most important step is to look back at the past: How were feelings dealt with in my parents' home? What beliefs did I develop? For example: I'm not good enough, my needs don't matter. These influences determine how we perceive ourselves and the world. The good news is: You can change them.

Many feel guilty towards their parents.

Yes, this is related to childlike loyalty. However, these influences do not say anything about one's own worth, but rather about the excessive demands placed on parents. A healthy separation is important in order to go one's own way.

Cheerful to stormy - the everyday podcast with Olli Schmidt 

Welcome to "Heiter bis stürmisch" (Cheerful to Stormy) – the everyday podcast. Whether you're on top of the world or feeling down in the dumps, life has its ups and downs. That's exactly what we're here to talk about: everyday crises such as arguments with your partner, parenting issues, work overload, uncertainties, and fears. We talk to experts and give you practical tips to help you deal with crises and challenges more effectively. 

Our podcast is available on all popular podcast platforms (Spotify, Apple Music, Audible, etc.)! Questions, suggestions, criticism, requests? Feel free to write to us at:familienservice 
 

zero Addiction to the cell phone

24.08.2020
Isabel Hempel
3156

Making fewer phone calls, chatting or using social media less, consuming less digital media - these are all good ways to reduce the excess of stimuli. The digital detox is about creating a space for a conscious examination of digital consumption. If you want to make a change now, we have two detox stations for you.

"Digital detox" means taking a self-imposed break from digital media and screen use, especially smartphones, computers and television. A detox experiment can be an interesting experience and provide new insights.

Some people realize how much the digital device already seems to have grown on them and gain a new sensitivity for dealing with it. "Digital detox" is suitable, for example, as a "weekend digital diet", comparable to fasting for a few days. However, if you want to learn a good digital balance in the long term, digital detox will only be a small building block.

 

Digital detox to raise awareness

Screen-free time is a good start to a learning process that can lead to a new quality of life. When you start digital fasting, you may initially experience surprising emotions, such as boredom or the fear of missing out on something. However, you may also feel a new sense of freedom, experience real relaxation or find the increased personal interaction with others very satisfying. The fact is that those who purge digitally gain a lot of time for sensual experiences and meaningful activities.

 

How digital detox works

Making fewer phone calls, chatting or using social media less, consuming less digital media - these are all good ways to reduce the excess of stimuli. The digital detox is about creating a space for a conscious examination of digital consumption. If you want to make a change now, we have two detox stations for you.

Choose for yourself which media detox is more suited to your personal habits. Although the detox tasks sound simple, some people find them much harder to stick to than new dietary rules, for example. This is because we often scrutinize our media consumption less critically than our eating habits. It's about getting a feel for what giving up media feels like and how it affects you. If you can't keep it up, just see it as an experiment. Maybe just try it again the following week?

Here you will find suggestions on how you can digitally declutter and become more aware of your media consumption again. Start with a short self-reflection.



Brief self-reflection

On the trail of my digital consumption


Take 15 minutes and read through the following four questions one after the other. Try to remember different situations, e.g. during a project shortly before the deadline, during a conceptual phase, during a break, at home, on vacation.

1. how do I react if I can't find my smartphone or my computer doesn't have enough battery power?
2. when do I check my emails or smartphone particularly often in the hope of finding something interesting?
3 . what feelings do I not want to experience in these situations, what feelings do I want to feel instead?
4. in which situations do I find it easy to manage without digital devices?

You may find that you use digital media and devices more often than you think to block out unpleasant emotions. By temporarily giving up TV, series or smartphones, you give yourself peace and time to find other ways to switch off.

 

  Detox station 1

Less smartphone use

Try fasting from smartphone consumption for a week.
Proceed in a similar way to "real" intermittent fasting. Think in advance about which hours of the day your smartphone should be off and you should not be reachable: Is it more from the morning until early midday? Or after work? Or do you want to switch off your smartphone for the whole weekend?
Choose a suitable variant. Start with a weekend day or try to stick to it for three to four days.



  Detox station 2

Watch less TV or series

Adults in Germany easily watch three or four hours of television a day. During the detox week, leave the TV, Netflix or YouTube off for at least two days. Try out what it's like to sit on the sofa and do nothing. Let yourself be surprised by the ideas you come up with when you're not looking at a screen. Some people who go on a media fast start tinkering, working or tidying up on the very first evening. If you notice that you have this creative energy, try going without your usual media evenings for a day or two longer.

 

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Tips for couch potatoes: "Small adjustments are the secret"

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