Podcast graphic with photos of psychotherapist Stefanie Stahl and podcast host Olli Schmidt
Psyche
04.02.2026 Sabrina Ludwig 95

Episode 45: Learning to understand and regulate emotions

Why do we sometimes overreact even though the situation doesn't really warrant it? Why do some people suppress their feelings? In this episode of "Heiter bis stürmisch" (Cheerful to Stormy), Olli talks to Germany's most famous psychotherapist, Stefanie Stahl, about emotion regulation.

How can we learn to control our emotions better? How can looking back at the past and our "inner child" help us understand our feelings?

That's what this episode is about:

  • Why we are not helplessly at the mercy of our emotions
  • Why we overreact in some situations
  • How childhood experiences shape our emotions
  • What happens when we suppress feelings
  • Practical tips for immediate assistance in acute situations

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Excerpt from the podcast interview with Stefanie Stahl:

Ms. Stahl, are we at the mercy of our emotions?

Stefanie Stahl: There are different approaches. One is prevention: I prepare myself mentally for situations that I know will trigger me. For example, a family celebration. Another is to reflect on old triggers that are related to your own past—I call this the shadow child. And the third option is, once the emotion is already there, to ask yourself: How can I get out of this?

How can I tell if I have problems regulating my emotions? 

When I repeatedly overreact emotionally —with anger, hurt feelings, jealousy. Often you only notice this in hindsight. Or when you feel too little. There are people who function very well but have little access to their feelings. Both extremes can be problematic: too strong feelings or too little feeling.

In your book, you talk about the "inner child." What do you mean by that?

I will illustrate this with a specific example, which is also a key example in my book "Das Kind in dir muss Heimat finden" (The Child Within You Must Find a Home): Michael, who grew up with three siblings. His parents were self-employed and ran a bakery, and they were really overwhelmed and unable to give all their children the attention they needed. As a result, little Michael often felt neglected. Young children don't feel and think that their mom and dad are completely overwhelmed. They feel and think: I am the problem. I am a burden. I am not important. 

And that is how inner belief systems come about. As an adult, Michael, for example, is triggered when he finds himself in situations where he feels overlooked and not properly noticed— for example, when his girlfriend is a few minutes late for a date. Then he feels invisible again, gets angry, and an argument ensues. These old patterns run automatically, without freedom of choice.

So the anger masks the actual hurt?

When Michael is aware of his conditioning, he can catch himself, switch to his adult self, and calm himself down. Because it's not about what happens, but how I interpret it.

Where can I start to make a difference?

The most important step is to look back at the past: How were feelings dealt with in my parents' home? What beliefs did I develop? For example: I'm not good enough, my needs don't matter. These influences determine how we perceive ourselves and the world. The good news is: You can change them.

Many feel guilty towards their parents.

Yes, this is related to childlike loyalty. However, these influences do not say anything about one's own worth, but rather about the excessive demands placed on parents. A healthy separation is important in order to go one's own way.

Cheerful to stormy - the everyday podcast with Olli Schmidt 

Welcome to "Heiter bis stürmisch" - the everyday podcast. Cheerful or saddened to death: life has its ups and downs. That's what we're all about: everyday crises such as arguments with your partner, parenting issues, work overload, insecurities and anxiety. We talk to experts and give you practical tips to help you deal better with crises and challenges. 

Our podcast is available on all popular podcast platforms (Spotify, Apple Music, Audible, etc.)! Questions, suggestions, criticism, requests? Feel free to write to us at:familienservice 
 

zero How ILB makes employees crisis-proof

The ILB building in Potsdam
Leadership & HR
04.11.2024 Isabel Hempel 5814

Strengthening team resilience: How ILB makes employees crisis-proof

In this interview, Kathleen Wiesener, HR Development Officer at the Investitionsbank des Landes Brandenburg (ILB), sheds light on the importance of a strong team spirit and how targeted measures such as coaching, feedback culture and external moderation help to strengthen employees. She explains which strategies ILB uses to create a resilient working environment in which employees receive the support they need to be successful in crisis situations.

What does ILB mean by team resilience and why is it particularly important for the company?

For us, team resilience means the ability of a team to overcome challenges, crises or stressful situations together and emerge stronger. This includes cohesion, mutual support, good communication and trust within the group. A resilient team can adapt quickly to new circumstances and remains productive even in difficult times.

What specific challenges do you face in strengthening the resilience of your teams?

Digitalization presents our employees with considerable adjustment requirements. In addition, there are frequent reorganizations, for example due to new guidelines or efficiency measures. There is also a high workload in many areas due to sickness absences or unfilled expert positions as a result of the shortage of specialists.

How have you anchored the topic of team resilience in your organization?

ILB recognized team cohesion and resilience as key issues many years ago. We offer our employees systematic support from coaches and trainers from the pme Academy. We have succeeded in raising awareness among managers that good team dynamics promote well-being. This leads to fewer conflicts and less sickness-related absences and strengthens the team's performance.

How does the cooperation with the pme Academy work?

The pme Academy supports us in the organization of team meetings and the moderation of larger workshops - ranging from small teams of 4 people to entire areas with 80 participants. We also work together with their conflict moderators. Managers are part of the system and therefore cannot mediate neutrally, which is why external support is very valuable. There are also preventative offers that enable managers and employees to address conflicts and provide feedback.

Unleash the full potential of your managers and teams now.

Our trainers and coaches at the pme Academy support you in difficult transformation and change processes or analyze together how you can make even better use of your team's strengths. 

More information on the seminars and training courses: pme Academy

What effect do these offers have on your employees?

Our employees find these offers very helpful. They appreciate being able to talk about team spirit away from the daily work routine. Since the coronavirus pandemic, many have been working from home, which has led to fewer informal meetings and more social distancing. Hybrid or digital meetings are often very business-oriented, but personal interaction is crucial to strengthen bonds and a sense of community.

How do managers specifically support their teams in difficult times and ensure a resilient working environment?

We promote a sense of unity in a variety of ways in order to strengthen cooperation. Together with the workforce, we have developed guidelines for transparent, constructive communication, a lively feedback culture and cross-divisional collaboration.
Not only managers but also employees are responsible for regularly discussing and reflecting on these values. Regular team events offer the opportunity to maintain personal connections despite hybrid working models and to discuss common interests beyond work content.

What measures do you take to ensure that employees dare to speak openly about challenges or mistakes?

Dealing constructively with mistakes and challenges is firmly anchored in our vision of a learning organization. We promote transparency and encourage our managers to support their employees and adopt a solution-oriented approach instead of looking for someone to blame.

How does this work in practice? Are there tools and techniques for systematically talking about setbacks and mistakes?

We systematically integrate the topic of feedback into our annual appraisals and thus repeatedly raise awareness of its importance. There have also been campaigns on how to give constructive feedback, with newsletters, postcard campaigns and training measures.

What programs, training or resources do you offer to continuously promote the resilience of teams and individuals?

In addition to various communication training courses, such as conflict management, we offer teams the opportunity to call in external mediators or moderators for team building in times of crisis. The pme Familienservice is an important partner here.
In addition, all managers have the opportunity to choose a coach to support them in challenging situations. In day-to-day work, it's often all about the "what" and less about the "how". When a team is reassembled or a new manager is appointed, we support the process with targeted guidance.

How do you ensure that employees are not overwhelmed in stressful phases and remain productive?

Stress management is a key issue that we support through training for both our employees and managers. It is an essential part of management development so that they can protect themselves and their teams from overload and manage crises in a targeted manner. We also offer social counseling and practical support in difficult private and professional situations via an external partner.

We are currently experiencing a very strong polarization in society. Is this also noticeable in your teams? Are the conflicts growing?

My perception is that we are very reluctant to talk about politics, possibly to avoid conflict. I can only speak for my team here: It is very important to us to treat each other with respect, and that includes respecting different opinions. One example was the vaccination debate during the coronavirus pandemic, where there were both supporters and opponents. I experienced a lot of tolerance. Good cooperation is important to us and helps us to overcome crises together.