"Mom, dad! I'm bored!"
How often have you heard this sentence from your children in the last week? Once, twice or ten times? Books, sport, tablets and television: some parents do a lot to ensure that their children are well entertained and stimulated. But is this really the right thing to do? What would happen if children were left alone with themselves and their boredom from time to time? How would that affect their development?
But what do we actually mean by boredom? The educational consultant Dr. Jan-Uwe Rogge formulates it accurately:
Boredom means lying on the bed, staring at the ceiling, sitting in an armchair lost in thought, daydreaming, having time for your own ideas, deepening them, times when nothing, but absolutely nothing is planned or scheduled."
I remember my childhood very well and the boredom that came with it. I felt like I spent half my childhood staring at the flowers on the wallpaper in my nursery - sometimes alone, sometimes with my friends. And the other half? I did handicrafts, played bookshop on my parents' bookshelf, went out into nature, read a lot - Pippi Longstocking, my heroine from my childhood book days, is still my favorite literary character. And I did all this without any guidance from my parents. The most I ever saw them in the summer was at the dinner table. Today, I sometimes have the feeling that life was more beautiful and freer for us - the children of that time.
Boredom must be learned
The trend towards supporting children with music, exercise and language lessons has increased significantly in recent years. Children should not have to spend time on their own. Young children play intensively, attend toddler groups, baby swimming lessons and go to the playground every day.
The pattern continues with the childcare center and school children: After school, there should be at least one more sport - soccer on Mondays, karate on Wednesdays and swimming on Saturdays, musical talent should also be encouraged and the muse kisses not only the talented, but also the hard-working. From time to time, the TV or tablet will have to make do.
A guilty conscience also plays no small role when work - and adult life in general - is added to the mix. And even if the children themselves often want it that way, isn't it also a critical sign of this time that children should be kept busy? What are we afraid of? That our children won't be able to cope with the competition? That they will be bored to death or just get up to mischief? Have we become nothing just because we stared at the ceiling for days on end?
According to a study conducted by Bepanthen Kinderförderung in collaboration with Bielefeld University in 2015, one in six children and one in five adolescents in Germany exhibit clear symptoms of stress. The causes lie in the (too) high expectations of parents and the associated lack of freedom for self-determination. Isn't it therefore better to see boredom as an opportunity for creative play, the development of one's own thinking and will?
Nothing is more important than allowing a free spirit to grow in order to shape it. This certainly does not happen if the child is not given any chance at all to let it grow.
My interests also developed over the years: photography, sewing, drawing and writing. I was also in a sports club ... none of which my parents got me into. I was lucky enough to be able to decide freely and try things out. Was this encouraged by the boredom that my parents allowed? I think: yes!
Playing is for children
"Children are happiest when playing independently," writes US psychologist Dr. Laura Markham on her website ahaparenting.com. "This is how children learn to process emotions and experiences". Children need their own experiences - whether it's building with blocks to develop motor and cognitive skills, playing with other children to develop interaction and social skills or creativity through activities such as crafting or painting - children need to experience what it means to create something themselves, Markham continues.
Always allow boredom
Boredom encourages this creativity and self-determined play. It can often be observed that children come up with great ideas after a period of boredom. Many renowned brain researchers, educationalists and pedagogues have written on the subject of children's boredom. One of their central demands is always: Allow boredom!
The well-known educationalist Peter Struck is quoted in an article published in 2006:
"Children need to learn how to deal with idle time and how to occupy themselves on their own. If parents always step in, that will never happen."
Family therapist Jesper Juul also states in an interview that children often get bored when there is a lack of external stimulation from computer games, DVDs or television. Many parents literally feel compelled to continue these inspiring activities at home. The pressure is actually created by the children, because they have simply been made "addicted to stimulation". However, it is essential to create islands for the children where they can simply be bored children - without any external stimulation.
The author and educational consultant Jan-Uwe Rogge says:
"If a child feels safe in relationships, boredom is extremely important for personality development. It is a time that belongs only to the child."
And psychologist and mother Dr. Vanessa Lapointe also writes on her blog in the Huffington Post: "Children need to sink into their own boredom so that the world around them becomes so quiet that they can hear themselves".
So there is nothing reprehensible about allowing boredom or even teaching it to your children. No, it is even beneficial. Remember this the next time your child doesn't know what to do with their time and sit back and relax.
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Further sources:
http://www.sueddeutsche.de/leben/die-muehen-der-erziehung-laaaaangweilig-1.2660964
http://www.huffingtonpost.de/2016/07/05/kinder-hauufig-langweilen_n_10816324.html
