Why we should kiss more often
When was the last time you kissed? Kissing strengthens our relationships and reduces stress. The 6-second kiss is even said to keep your relationship happy and alive.
(Expert: Carline Krügl, coach for sexuality & love | Editor: Sabrina Ludwig)
That's what it's all about:
Why kissing is so important for body and mind
A colorful happiness cocktail of dopamine, oxytocin and endorphins floods our body, reduces our anxiety and strengthens our emotional bond. At the same time, the immune system is strengthened, sexual desire is increased and blood flow to the facial muscles and even the whole body is improved.
Did you know that
- over 30 facial muscles are active when kissing,
- a kiss can burn up to 20 calories and
- around 100,000 kisses over the course of a lifetime.
So kissing is not only beautiful, but also a real health booster - for body, mind and relationship.
The kiss as a reflection of our relationship
"Kissing is a true reflection of the state of a relationship," says psychotherapist and author Wolfgang Krüger(book: "Kissing as the language of love"). And the first indication of problems in a relationship is a lack of kissing.
Krüger's reasoning: Because when kissing, you have to get involved with the other person, feel his or her pace and perceive the smell and taste.
The American psychologist Dr. John Gottman does not claim that a lack of kisses indicates a lack of love. However, he is also convinced that kissing is a simple and effective ritual that can help to keep a relationship alive and loving.
The "6-second kiss": the secret of happy couples
Together with his wife Dr. Julie Gottman, Dr. John Gottman is one of the most renowned couples therapists in the world. Both researchers are known for their scientifically sound methods that promote a stable and happy relationship. Gottman's research is based on decades of observations of over 650 couples in the so-called Love Lab.
The "6-second kiss" is a small but significant recommendation from John Gottman:
"A deliberate, passionate kiss lasting at least six seconds - every day."
In his blog post "The six second kiss", the scientist explains that a six-second kiss increases well-being in relationships and reduces stress:
"A six second kiss is one of the least time-consuming ways to improve things with your partner."
Gotman's research shows that the bonding hormone oxytocin, which strengthens the emotional bond and trust between two people, is only released after a six-second kiss. A fleeting kiss is simply too short for this.
This is how the 6-second kiss works:
- It strengthens the emotional bond
- Reduces stress
- Increases the feeling of closeness and trust
- Reminds you that your partner is more than just a roommate
By the way: John Gottman and Julie Schwartz Gottman have now been married for 35 years. Together they founded the Gottman Institute and developed many of the best-known methods for couples therapy - such as the "Sound Relationship House".
A 2015 study by the Kinsey Institute at Indiana University came to the conclusion that romantic kissing occurs in 46 percent of the 168 cultures studied.
Especially in the Middle East, North America and Europe, many kisses are distributed. In African cultures south of the Sahara, on New Guinea or in Central America, kisses associated with love and sexuality play less or no role.
Where does the kiss come from - theories on its origins
All that remains is speculation. One theory is that our extinct ancestors, the Neanderthals, are said to have passed food from mouth to mouth. But of course nobody wrote anything down back then - and so it remains unclear whether this is how kissing began.
In 2024, evolutionary psychologist Adriano Lameira from the British University of Warwick put forward a completely new theory . He points out that there is a behavior in the animal kingdom that combines the characteristics of kissing: In the final step of grooming, the grooming monkey touches the other with pursed lips and sucks up any parasites or dirt found. After the monkeys had lost their fur, the removal of parasites by kissing continued.
Even if we don't know how the kiss originated, one thing is clear: kissing is an important part of our lives. The kiss is a sign of love, friendship and care - and exists in many different ways alongside the romantic kiss: as a kiss on the hand, a kiss in the air or a kiss on the cheek as a greeting.
"A kiss is not just a touch of the lips, but a form of communication that connects us with the other person in a special way. Used correctly, it can replace many words. Not just those of love, but also those of farewell, friendship or a promise."
Carline Krügl, coach on sexuality and love, pme Familienservice
FAQ - Your most important questions about kissing
Question 1: Why does kissing strengthen the relationship?
Kissing promotes the release of oxytocin, the "bonding hormone", which creates closeness, trust and cohesion.
Question 2: How long should a kiss last?
Studies show that a kiss should last at least 6 seconds to achieve the full effect of oxytocin.
Question 3: Does kissing really burn calories?
Yes, kissing works over 30 facial muscles, which can burn around 2-3 calories per minute.
Are there cultures in which kissing is unusual?
Yes, in some regions of Africa, South America and Oceania, kissing is not practiced as an expression of love and affection.
Further sources and experts
- Wolfgang Krüger: "Kissing as the language of love"
- John and Julie Gottman: Research in the Love Lab and "Sound Relationship House"
- Study "The ancient history of kissing" (Science, 2024)
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