16.02.2021 Josephin Hartmann 11279

"A relative is not a therapist!"

In 2009, Bundesliga goalkeeper Robert Enke took his own life. He had suffered from severe depression for several years. His wife Teresa then set up the Robert Enke Foundation to remove the taboo surrounding the illness in society. In this interview, she talks about the illness and how relatives and friends deal with it.

The coronavirus pandemic is pushing many people to their personal limits: Families were on top of their game for weeks, some people fell into loneliness, others had existential fears. What is the best way to keep our heads above water?

Teresa Enke: It is difficult to manage the situation at home. People gradually get tired of the situation and run out of patience. It's important to stay in the daily routine. It's best to set the alarm clock in the morning, get yourself and the children ready and stick to a fixed daily routine. Otherwise you run the risk of walking around in your pyjamas all day. Another important point is keeping in touch with other people. Call family, friends and acquaintances from time to time. Talking to them helps through the difficult times. We must never give up hope that things will get better.

The good thing about the pandemic is that many people can now put themselves in the shoes of someone who is depressed. Some are currently struggling with depression and realize how difficult the feeling of loneliness can be or what a burden hopelessness and listlessness can be.

Listless, exhausted, depressed: when should these feelings be taken seriously and could indicate a serious mental illness?

Teresa Enke: If you can no longer see anything positive, can no longer manage to get out of bed, can no longer maintain contacts or no longer enjoy things that used to give you great pleasure. If you have the feeling that this condition will not stop, then something is wrong. As soon as a person can no longer look after their well-being, they need help.

You also have to remember that depression is an illness that can affect people of all ages. It doesn't always affect adults in the middle of life, it can also affect children and young people. That's why we need to take particularly good care of them and ask how they are doing, especially in times like the coronavirus pandemic. It is very important, especially now, to give them a structure, show them opportunities for sport or music and not leave them alone with media consumption or high school demands.

What do people who suffer from depression need and what could be a first step towards recovery?

Teresa Enke: If depression is actually diagnosed, then it is a combination of the patient, the therapist and family and friends. Regular therapy is of course important, but it depends on the severity of the depression. There are mild depressive phases where you feel bad or have problems coping with everyday life. This takes a lot of effort, but you can also make your own way to recovery. You need to know what you need to do to get out of it.

When you have a serious illness, like my late husband Robert at the time, you can no longer look after yourself. Everything is so difficult that even getting up in the morning seems impossible. Unfortunately, the illness is not as visible as a broken leg, for example, so people suffering from depression have to justify why they don't get out of bed.

Depression not only affects those affected, but also their relationships with friends and family. What advice do you have for sufferers and outsiders so that their relationships don't break down as a result of the illness?

Teresa Enke: It's a difficult line to walk. It's important for relatives to be there and signal to the other person: "I know you're ill and I'll help you". Outsiders should always offer their willingness to take part in joint activities. They will often be turned down, but this should not be taken personally, it has to do with the person's illness. I therefore recommend always staying in contact, encouraging but not putting pressure on the person with the illness. Basically, we are giving the person affected unconditional empathy.

It is also important that family members do not allow themselves to be worn down by the fact that few feelings from the person affected reach them. It is particularly important as a partner to know that the person is currently ill. You should always compare this with other illnesses. For example, if I feel very sick or am in a lot of pain, I can't be understanding with my partner either.

There is one thing you must always be aware of: a relative is not a therapist! As a partner or friend, you can support the person affected, but you are not responsible for their recovery. And: Helpers also need help and must give themselves the opportunity to let their own emotions run free from time to time.

"It's a clear warning sign when sick people suddenly start to thrive again."

How do I recognize suicidal thoughts in depressed people?

Teresa Enke: It's important to talk about it openly. My late husband and I often talked about it. But those affected don't always express their true thoughts about it. So the question cannot be generalized.

What I didn't realize in the past, but is now a clear warning sign for me, is when people who are very seriously ill suddenly blossom again. This can be an indication that the decision has been made and the days leading up to suicide are easier. It was the same with Robbi. In principle, suicidal intentions are always a medical emergency and require treatment.

What should you do if friends or relatives suffer from depression? "I always recommend staying in contact, encouraging them, but not putting pressure on the person suffering from depression," advises Teresa Enke.

You not only lost your husband, but also your daughter. What helped you to overcome these setbacks?

Teresa Enke: I always look forward. I try to see something positive in the tragedy. The two years with my daughter Lara were hard, but also wonderful, and I would always accompany her on this journey again. Back then, her heart condition called us to stand up for other children with heart disease and help them. I still do this today with the Robert Enke Foundation.

After Robbi died, I knew I had to be strong because I had a responsibility for our second daughter Leila, the family and the animals. I also acted out my grief, but I knew I had to carry on, otherwise I would get ill too. My second daughter Leila gave me a lot of strength.

What is your definition of happiness?

Teresa Enke: For me, happiness is a moment. Moments of happiness are when I sit on the beach in Portugal with my children and look out to sea. For me, it's always great when everyone is together: Children, family, friends, dogs. When you consciously realize that you're together at that exact moment, that's happiness for me!

Teresa Enke, Chairwoman of the Board of the Robert Enke Foundation and wife of Bundesliga goalkeeper Robert Enke, who died in 2009. The foundation supports measures and facilities that serve to raise awareness of depression and children's heart disease.