Daydreamer, Procrastinator, Hyperactive Kid: Does My Child Have ADHD?
Brushing teeth, hanging up a jacket, doing homework—things that seem simple can become major challenges in everyday life when a child has ADD or ADHD.
Sabina Pahlke has advice for concerned parents. The systemic counselor and ADHD expert offers webinars and coaching sessions on ADHD for the employees of our partner organizations. In this interview, she explains how ADHD symptoms manifest in children and offers tips.
Summary: How can I tell if a child has ADHD?
“Dreamer” describes the predominantly inattentive type of ADHD: Children appear distracted and tend to show inner restlessness rather than visible fidgeting. In everyday life, signs of exhaustion and delayed responses are noticeable (slow work pace, delayed answers, withdrawal). Small sets of tasks, clear time limits, and patient guidance are helpful. If a child withdraws or experiences ongoing performance issues, parents should have the symptoms evaluated by a professional.
An Interview with Sabine Pahlke on ADHD
- ADS or ADHD? What's the difference?
- How do parents experience their child's dreams in everyday life?
- What specific strategies can help parents support their children during periods of daydreaming?
- What warning signs indicate that dreaming is becoming a problem and that professional help is needed?
- What advice would you give parents on how to interact with their child on a daily basis?
- What do you recommend for everyday school life?
- What do you think of medication?
- FAQ – How Can You Identify Children with ADHD?
ADS or ADHD? What's the difference?
Sabina Pahlke: The main difference is that, in ADHD, hyperactivity is added to the symptoms of inattention and impulsivity. For this reason,
- Children with ADHD are perceived as "fidgety kids,"
- Children with ADHD, on the other hand, tend to seem dreamy and withdrawn.
Generally, the term used is ADHD (Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder), with or without hyperactivity.
To learn what neurodiversity means in children, how it manifests, and how parents can support their child, read the article“Neurodiversity in Children: Meaning, Examples, & Diagnosis.”
What is special when a child has AD(H)S?
Sabina Pahlke: Children with ADHD generally have difficulty processing information and retrieving it “on time.” An extremely “open” stimulus filter allows information that is irrelevant to the situation at hand to enter the brain; in extreme cases, this information may even constitute almost all of the input.
AD(H)S often manifests itself in very extreme behaviors:
- For example, there are children who meticulously organize and sort objects but have absolutely no understanding of keeping their closets tidy.
- When it comes to physical contact, the children often have no sense of personal space; on the other hand, however, they seem to react extremely strongly to physical advances.
This can seem strange to peers and lead to exclusion.
How does a “daydreamer” differ from a “fidgeter” or “procrastinator” with ADHD?
Sabina Pahlke: Children who tend to be inattentive are often perceived as being slower overall. This “hypoactivity” usually becomes apparent as early as in the womb and continues after birth. These children often seem “distracted” and tend to go unnoticed, except when they exhibit increased impulsivity in their behavior.
Helga Simchenhas written a good book about this "inattentive type" : "ADS—Unfocused, Daydreaming, Too Slow, and Lots of Mistakes on Dictations."TheADHS Deutschland website also provides agood overview of ADHD symptoms.
How do parents experience their child's daydreaming in everyday life (at school, at home, during free time)?
The affected children show different symptoms. Based on my experience as a counselor, though without statistical evidence:
- Children get tired quickly.
- This restlessness manifests physically through relatively minor "signs."
- They can't answer questions quickly and don't immediately find the right words.
- Motor development is often somewhat delayed.
- The pace of work is extremely slow, for example, when doing homework.
- They prefer to play alone or with just one friend.
- Team sports are often perceived as too demanding, whereas individual sports tend to be more readily accepted.
What specific strategies can help parents support their children during moments of daydreaming in everyday life (school, homework)?
- Work with the school to determine how long a child should spend on homework in total and, if necessary, request "smaller" assignments for the child in question
- At school: no group tables, no window seats (you're bound to end up looking out the window and daydreaming)
- Small "nudges" from the teacher (e.g., a light touch on the shoulder, if everyone is okay with that)
- Walk past the child's seat, tap the table briefly, speak to the child, and ask for a brief response
- Parents should remain patient, break their expectations down into manageable steps, lovingly guide their child, and strongly encourage the things that are going well.
How can parents make positive use of their child's dreams (e.g., to foster creativity or learning)?
Sabina Pahlke: This varies greatly from child to child, so the general rule for all children is: build on their strengths and praise them!
What warning signs indicate that dreaming is becoming a problem and that professional help is needed?
Sabina Pahlke: If they are intelligent enough, affected children often manage to get through elementary school. Things start to get difficult by then at the latest, and a diagnostic process should be initiated in a timely manner so that the child can receive help.
So if, even in kindergarten, a child prefers to play alone in the building or puzzle corner, cries easily, withdraws, seems oblivious to what’s going on, and at the same time goes unnoticed, everyone should take notice and take a closer look.
I'm sure many parents wonder if they've done something wrong.
Sabina Pahlke: I can reassure parents on this point: ADHD is genetic. The fact that a child has ADHD is due neither to parenting nor to any misconduct during pregnancy. However, external environmental factors can influence its course.
A daily routine that offers children little guidance, unclear expectations, constant negative feedback, and generally insufficient support can exacerbate existing ADHD symptoms.
What advice would you give parents on how to interact with their child on a daily basis?
Sabina Pahlke:
1. It’s important to have a positive mantra: Remind yourself that your child is by no means behaving this way on purpose. Ultimately, children with this condition simply need about 100 more repetitions than other children to internalize routines.
2. Parents need to be patient and should always focus on just a few topics at a time: A child is more likely to succeed if they are given information and instructions in “small bites.”
3. At home and at school, motivation plans can be a great help. External incentives are especially helpful when it comes to tasks that children don’t enjoy, such as tidying up their rooms. By experimenting together, parents and children can figure out which incentives are most likely to lead to success for them in each situation.
One problem is often the school. What do you recommend?
Sabina Pahlke: Every child has their own unique abilities and skills, and this is also true for children with ADHD.
1. Parents can let teachers know what their child is particularly good at at home and which topics interest them most. Many teachers are willing to take this information into account in their lessons and help the child build on their strengths. This greatly boosts the child’s self-esteem.
2. Many of the routines and rules established in everyday family life can serve as a source of ideas for teachers. In turn, parents can ask teachers for help in selecting appropriate learning materials and setting an appropriate workload. The key point is this: School is important, but there must be a balance. Especially when things aren’t going smoothly at school, success and positive reinforcement need to come more from leisure time and family life.
What external support can parents get?
Sabina Pahlke: Waiting times to see child and adolescent psychiatrists or at social pediatric centers, which make the diagnosis, are often long. During the waiting period, a pediatrician can provide initial support. For example, occupational therapy practices are now often familiar with ADHD symptoms and offer assistance.
A pediatrician can write a prescription for this. It is also recommended to have a pediatrician rule out any organic causes—such as thyroid disorders or allergies. And parents can participate in parenting classes offered by church organizations, local communities, and doctors’ offices.
Many neurodivergent children need different learning approaches, more breaks, and flexible structures in order to be able to thrive in school at all. You can find specific tips on how parents can support their neurodivergent child’s learning in the article“Neurodiversity in Children: Meaning, Examples, & Diagnosis.”
Keyword Ritalin: What do you think of medication?
Sabina Pahlke: Each child must be considered on an individual basis . For many, properly adjusted medication is what makes it possible to implement support measures and interventions in the first place. However, support from a naturopath who is well-versed in ADHD symptoms can also be an excellent resource.
AD(H)S is exhausting. What can parents do when they run out of steam?
Sabina Pahlke: I have a few very practical tips: You can take turns with other parents on a daily basis to help with childcare, including homework. That way, you can give yourself a little break. Especially when the family budget is tight, a family retreat covered by health insurance can provide much-needed rest and relaxation.
Parents are often ill-suited to be their children’s study partners because their stressful daily lives prevent them from mustering the necessary patience. In such cases, paid homework or study help can be a huge relief. If grandparents live nearby, you can ask them for support—whether it’s helping to care for the children or with household chores and yard work. This situation calls for creativity as well as the realization that help is needed.
Our parent counselors support parents in all matters from pregnancy to the child's adulthood.
Personal and confidential: We are there for you online, by phone and on site. You can find more information on the pme parent counseling page.
FAQ – How Can You Identify Children with ADHD?
What does “daydreamer” mean when it comes to children with ADHD?
"Dreamer" describes the predominantly inattentive type of ADHD. The child appears distracted and tends to exhibit inner restlessness rather than visible hyperactivity.
How does a “dreamer” differ from a “fidgeter” or a “procrastinator”?
The “dreamer” tends to be slow and absent-minded, while the “fidgeter” shows obvious physical restlessness; “dawdlers” are characterized by a slow work pace.
How do parents experience dreaming in their everyday lives?
Parents often report that their children tire easily, work at a slow pace, are slow to respond, and tend to play in a more withdrawn manner.
What strategies can help with school and homework?
Small work packages, fixed time limits, no distractions, and regular, gentle reminders from teachers or parents.
How can parents make positive use of dreams?
Encourage and praise creative strengths and individual interests—building on strengths helps boost motivation and self-esteem.
When is professional help needed?
If signs of withdrawal, chronic stress, or academic difficulties become apparent (e.g., starting in secondary school), please have the child evaluated by a specialist.
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