24.02.2019 Gabriele Strasser 8273

Dreamer, dawdler, fidgeter: My child has AD(H)S

Sitting quietly, hanging up a jacket, doing homework - supposedly simple things can mutate into major challenges in everyday life when a child has ADD or ADHD. Sabina Pahlke has advice for desperate parents. The systemic consultant and AD(H)S expert offers webinars and advice workshops on AD(H)S for the employees of our client companies.

Ms. Pahlke, ADD or ADHD? What is the difference?

Sabina Pahlke: The main difference is that in ADHD, hyperactivity is added to the symptoms of inattention and impulsivity. For this reason, children with ADHD are perceived as "fidgeters", whereas children with ADHD tend to appear dreamy and introverted. As a rule, one speaks of ADHD (attention deficit disorder) with or without hyperactivity.

What is special when a child has AD(H)S?

Children with AD(H)S generally do not process information and retrieve information "in time" well. An extremely "open" stimulus filter also allows information that is unimportant for the respective situation into the brain, in extreme cases almost exclusively. AD(H)S often manifests itself in very extreme behaviors. For example, there are children who pedantically arrange and sort objects, but have no understanding at all for tidiness in the closet. In physical contact, the children are often aloof, but on the other hand they seem to react extremely to physical advances. This can be alienating for their peers and lead to exclusion.

I'm sure many parents wonder if they've done something wrong.

I can reassure parents: AD(H)S is genetic. The fact that a child has AD(H)S is not due to upbringing or any misbehavior during pregnancy. However, external environmental factors can influence the progression. An everyday life that gives children little orientation, unclear demands on the child, constant negative feedback and generally too little support can exacerbate existing ADHD symptoms.

What advice would you give parents on how to interact with their child on a daily basis?

A positive mantra is important: realize that your child is not behaving this way on purpose. Ultimately, affected children simply need around 100 more repetitions than other children to automate processes. Parents need patience and should only ever focus on a few topics. A child is more likely to achieve something if it is provided with "small morsels" of information and prompts. 

Motivational plans can be a good help at home and at school. External motivational incentives are particularly helpful for unpopular tasks such as tidying up the room. Through trial and error, parents and children can find out together which incentives are most likely to lead to success for them and the situation in question.

One problem is often the school. What do you recommend?

Every child has very individual abilities and skills, including children with AD(H)S. Parents can tell teachers what their child is particularly good at at home and which topics they are particularly interested in. Many teachers are willing to take this information into account in lessons and promote the child's strengths. This boosts the self-esteem of the affected child enormously.

Many structures and rules developed in everyday family life can be a pool of ideas for the teacher. In return, parents can ask teachers for help in choosing the right learning material and workload. The following applies: school is important, but there must be a balance. Especially when things are not going well at school, successes and positive feedback must come more from leisure time and the family.

What external support can parents get?

The waiting times at child and adolescent psychiatrists or social pediatric centers that make the diagnosis are often long. During the waiting time, a pediatrician can provide initial support. Occupational therapy practices in particular are now often familiar with AD(H)S symptoms and offer help. The pediatrician can issue a prescription for this. It is also advisable to have organic causes ruled out by the pediatrician - such as thyroid disorders or allergies. Parents can also take part in parent training courses offered by church associations, communities and doctors' surgeries.

Keyword Ritalin: What do you think of medication?

Each child must be considered individually. For many, well-adjusted medication makes it possible to implement support and interventions in the first place. However, support from an alternative practitioner who is well versed in AD(H)S symptoms can also provide excellent support.

AD(H)S is exhausting. What can parents do when they run out of steam?

I have a few very practical tips: You can take turns with other parents on a daily basis to look after the children, including homework. This will give you a little break for yourself. Especially if the family budget is tight, a family cure financed by health insurance can provide much-needed relaxation.

Parents are often unsuitable learning partners for their children because they do not have the necessary patience due to their stressful everyday lives. This is where paid homework or study help is a great relief. If there are grandparents nearby, you can ask them for help - with looking after the children or in the household and garden. Creativity is just as important here as the understanding that help is needed.

Sabina Pahlke is an NLP practitioner, systemic consultant and supervisor. As part of the pme Academy, she offers webinars and counseling workshops on the topic of AD(H)S.