Two girlfriends kissing a girlfriend on the cheeks
Psyche
13.08.2025 Sabrina Ludwig 97

Why we should kiss more often

When was the last time you kissed? Kissing strengthens our relationships and reduces stress. The 6-second kiss is even said to keep your relationship happy and alive.

(Expert: Carline Krügl, coach for sexuality & love | Editor: Sabrina Ludwig)

That's what it's all about:

Why kissing is so important for body and mind

A colorful happiness cocktail of dopamine, oxytocin and endorphins floods our body, reduces our anxiety and strengthens our emotional bond. At the same time, the immune system is strengthened, sexual desire is increased and blood flow to the facial muscles and even the whole body is improved.

Over 30 facial muscles are active when kissing, a kiss can burn up to 20 calories and in the course of a lifetime around 100,000 kisses are shared.

So kissing is not only beautiful, but also a real health booster - for body, mind and relationship.

The kiss as a reflection of our relationship

"Kissing is a true reflection of the state of a relationship," says psychotherapist and author Wolfgang Krüger(book: "Kissing as the language of love"). And the first indication of problems in a relationship is a lack of kissing.

Krüger's reasoning: Because when kissing, you have to get involved with the other person, feel his or her pace and perceive the smell and taste.

The American psychologist Dr. John Gottman does not claim that a lack of kisses indicates a lack of love. However, he is also convinced that kissing is a simple and effective ritual that can help to keep a relationship alive and loving.
 


 

The "6-second kiss": the secret of happy couples

Together with his wife Dr. Julie Gottman, Dr. John Gottman is one of the most renowned couples therapists in the world. Both researchers are known for their scientifically sound methods that promote a stable and happy relationship. Gottman's research is based on decades of observations of over 650 couples in the so-called Love Lab. 

The "6-second kiss" is a small but significant recommendation from John Gottman:

"A deliberate, passionate kiss lasting at least six seconds - every day."

In his blog post "The six second kiss", the scientist explains that a six-second kiss increases well-being in relationships and reduces stress:

"A six second kiss is one of the least time-consuming ways to improve things with your partner."

Gotman's research shows that the bonding hormone oxytocin, which strengthens the emotional bond and trust between two people, is only released after a six-second kiss. A fleeting kiss is simply too short for this. 

This is how the 6-second kiss works:

  • It strengthens the emotional bond
  • Reduces stress
  • Increases the feeling of closeness and trust
  • Reminds you that your partner is more than just a roommate

By the way: John Gottman and Julie Schwartz Gottman have now been married for 35 years. Together they founded the Gottman Institute and developed many of the best-known methods for couples therapy - such as the "Sound Relationship House".
 

Kissing in different cultures

A 2015 study by the Kinsey Institute at Indiana University came to the conclusion that romantic kissing occurs in 46 percent of the 168 cultures studied.

Especially in the Middle East, North America and Europe, many kisses are distributed. In African cultures south of the Sahara, on New Guinea or in Central America, kisses associated with love and sexuality play less or no role.

Where does the kiss come from - theories on its origins

All that remains is speculation. One theory is that our extinct ancestors, the Neanderthals, are said to have passed food from mouth to mouth. But of course nobody wrote anything down back then - and so it remains unclear whether this is how kissing began.

In 2024, evolutionary psychologist Adriano Lameira from the British University of Warwick put forward a completely new theory . He points out that there is a behavior in the animal kingdom that combines the characteristics of kissing: In the final step of grooming, the grooming monkey touches the other with pursed lips and sucks up any parasites or dirt found. After the monkeys had lost their fur, the removal of parasites by kissing continued.

Even if we don't know how the kiss originated, one thing is clear: kissing is an important part of our lives. The kiss is a sign of love, friendship and care - and exists in many different ways alongside the romantic kiss: as a kiss on the hand, a kiss in the air or a kiss on the cheek as a greeting.

"A kiss is not just a touch of the lips, but a form of communication that connects us with the other person in a special way. Used correctly, it can replace many words. Not just those of love, but also those of farewell, friendship or a promise."
Carline Krügl, coach on sexuality and love, pme Familienservice


 

FAQ - Your most important questions about kissing

Question 1: Why does kissing strengthen the relationship?

Kissing promotes the release of oxytocin, the "bonding hormone", which creates closeness, trust and cohesion.

Question 2: How long should a kiss last?

Studies show that a kiss should last at least 6 seconds to achieve the full effect of oxytocin.

Question 3: Does kissing really burn calories?

Yes, kissing works over 30 facial muscles, which can burn around 2-3 calories per minute.

Are there cultures in which kissing is unusual?

Yes, in some regions of Africa, South America and Oceania, kissing is not practiced as an expression of love and affection.

Further sources and experts

  • Wolfgang Krüger: "Kissing as the language of love"
  • John and Julie Gottman: Research in the Love Lab and "Sound Relationship House"
  • Study "The ancient history of kissing" (Science, 2024)
     
Do you sometimes feel "lost" in crisis mode?

With our initiative "Lost in Space? The pme Survival Guide for Uncertain Times", we provide our customers with valuable tools for work, love and ageing.  

"Lost in Space - pme Survival Guide for uncertain times" initiative

 

zero Corona and puberty - a generation in lockdown

Schoolchildren greet each other with masks and elbows.
19.03.2021 Kerstin Kuchmetzki 4161

Lockdown and puberty - how parents can provide support

Young people largely adhere to the corona measures

Young people are better than their reputation. The SINUS Youth Study 2020 has shown that, for the most part, young people are complying with the coronavirus measures and acting responsibly. In the vast majority of cases, they are prepared to cut back when it comes to their lifestyle, meetings with friends and other things that were once taken for granted. They usually do this out of a sense of responsibility for their fellow human beings, be it their own family, older people around them or society as a whole.

 

Corona and puberty are a toxic combination

In times of corona, the life of an adolescent is particularly difficult, because corona and puberty are a toxic combination! This developmental phase is all about gaining autonomy, setting yourself apart from your parents and developing your own rules. But corona is throwing a spanner in the works: instead of finding their own way, they have to be with their parents all the time because of the lockdown - even though they are actually only interested in their friends.

pme parent advisor Kyra Wetzel also emphasizes that the lack of social contact is particularly difficult for young people. For young people, the peer group, together with the family, is the most important pillar in their lives. They miss their freedom and the ease of life. Every day is the same, there is little variety. This fosters a feeling of loneliness and a loss of impartiality. What's more, control and restrictions are particularly annoying at this age. However, it is precisely now that parents have to take responsibility for the coronavirus-related restrictions imposed on their children.

Conflicts in the family increase during the coronavirus crisis Kyra Wetzel reports that conflicts in families have increased during the coronavirus period. Families are spending much more time together. Added to this are the excessive demands and stress caused by homeschooling and working from home. The lack of variety in everyday life exacerbates the situation. The family is completely thrown back on itself. Conflicts that you might have been able to avoid before now escalate much more easily and new ones arise. This takes its toll, as all family members are under a lot of stress and frustration in their own way, and nerves are understandably often frayed.

 

Anxiety, depression and eating disorders as consequences of corona

The lack of structure provided by school in particular also has an impact. Developmental neuropsychologist Anja Karlmeier from the Bodelschwingh Foundation Bethel emphasizes that the brain development of children and young people is inextricably linked to their social and societal development, i.e. the opportunities they have to develop in family, school and leisure time. The school closures and contact restrictions therefore have direct consequences.

The COPSY (Corona and Psyche) study by the University Medical Center Hamburg-Eppendorf shows that more than 70% of the children and adolescents surveyed feel emotionally burdened by the corona crisis. This is reflected in anxiety, stress and depression, among other things. Psychosomatic clinics are currently receiving an increasing number of adolescents who are struggling with eating disorders, anxiety and obsessive-compulsive disorders. There are young people who are becoming more and more withdrawn and hardly leave the house or react with obsessive-compulsive disorders such as excessive hand washing. As paradoxical as it sounds, this is an attempt to regain control.

 

Media consumption by young people in lockdown

So young people suffer immensely in these times. But how do parents deal with this situation when the potential for conflict is already high? How do you organize family life? And should rules on media consumption etc. be maintained or should the leash be loosened?

Kyra Wetzel advises deciding together with the family when to have a media-free time. An outright ban or strict rules will lead to more conflict in most cases. Not all media consumption is the same. A distinction must be made between leisure, learning and information consumption. Young people have a right to participate in cultural life and a right to access the media. Parents should therefore carefully consider how much time their children are allowed to spend in their alternative media environment.
As parents, you should also offer alternatives. This could be a walk together, a games evening or cooking together. And: As parents, be a role model and pay attention to how you use digital media yourself. Clear agreements made together strengthen the relationship and trust between parents and young people and prevent conflicts.

The coronavirus pandemic and all the resulting measures affect us all. However, it is necessary to take a special look at the next generation, who should be setting the course for a successful adult life right now. This precious time is characterized by isolation, loneliness and restrictions due to the coronavirus crisis. The young people of today are the backbone of our society and the decision-makers of tomorrow. They should therefore have the best possible conditions to develop well.

 

Kyra Wetzel is a parenting consultant at pme Familienservice in the Stuttgart branch and is also responsible for the Concierge, Relocation & Outplacement product area

 

 

 

You may also be interested in these articles:
Corona: How the lockdown is putting children under psychological strain
School at home - how to make it work!

Mental consequences of the lockdown - are we at risk of burnout? 

Good grades at school: online tutoring with bidi

 

pme assistance - Our advice for parents

From pregnancy and birth to the child's adulthood - every phase has its upsides and challenges. Our team of social pedagogues, educators and parent counselors supports parents in every phase and takes the pressure off everyday professional and private life.

Find out more: www.familienservice.de/web/pme-assistance/elternberatung

 

Sources:

https://www.barmer.de/gesundheit-verstehen/coronavirus/sinus-studie-corona-248390


https://www.zeit.de/gesellschaft/familie/2020-07/kinder-corona-krise-psychische-folgen-entwicklungspsychologie


https://www.uke.de/kliniken-institute/kliniken/kinder-und-jugendpsychiatrie-psychotherapie-und-psychosomatik/forschung/arbeitsgruppen/child-public-health/forschung/copsy-studie.html

Sabrina Ludwig

Content and online marketing manager

Sabrina Ludwig is a Germanist and historian and has been PR and online marketing manager at pme Familienservice for many years, specializing in psychology and mental health. In the meantime, her heart also beats for everything to do with SEO and GEo.

Contact:

sabrina.ludwig@familienservice.de
Carline Krügl

Carline Krügl

Social pedagogue, systemic consultant, Head of pme Academy Munich

Carline Krügl is an experienced social pedagogue and systemic counselor. Her counseling focus is on systemic couples and sex therapy. In her specialist lectures, she shares her knowledge in these areas and complements this with her expertise as a certified nutritionist. 

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