Violence against women: "Women can only get out with help"
First he pushed her, then he spat in her face, insulted her and said it was her own fault. It all started because she came home half an hour later than we had agreed and he was supposedly jealous. Later there were also kicks and he threatened to beat up the dog if she didn't behave herself. He then apologized and promised never to do it again. For years, what her husband did to Susanne M. remained hidden: domestic violence.
The story of Susanne M. is fictional, but it is the story of many women. And it is brutal, contemptuous and degrading. Domestic violence not only leaves scars and wounds on the body, but above all on the soul, because it takes place in a place that should give us protection and security: our own home. It can consist of physical, psychological and sexualized violence or economic violence if the woman is financially dependent on her partner or is afraid of losing her residence permit in the event of a divorce. In most cases, the women affected experience several forms of violence at the same time.
Every third day a woman is killed by her (ex-)partner
One in four women in Germany is the victim of physical or sexual violence by her current or former partner at least once in her life. The World Health Organization (WHO) classifies violence against women as the most common act of violence against women worldwide. Every third day, a man in Germany murders his wife, girlfriend or ex. What does not even appear in the statistics are suicides committed by women out of shame or because they see no other way out of the daily hell of violence and threats. Men are also affected by domestic violence, but in four out of five cases the victims are female.
First love, then violence
Despite the systematic brutality, humiliation and abuse, sometimes over many years, a third of all women affected remain in the relationships. This is where the work of victim counselor and trauma educator Henrike Krüsmann from the Berlin Initiative against Violence against Women (BIG) comes in. The aim is to help women out of violent partnerships and offer them a new perspective. Coordinator Henrike Krüsmann and her colleagues inform those affected about help and arrange places in women's shelters.
However, one of the counselors' first tasks is often to make the women concerned aware of the cycle of violence they are in and that they have a right to help and support: "The women often blame themselves for the violence because the thought is easier to bear and it gives them the feeling that they can change something and influence it," explains Krüsmann. "And because they also know their partners fondly and have fond memories of a time together." The women are caught in a cycle of violence and remorse on the part of the perpetrator, which repeatedly fuels their hopes that everything will be okay again. However, experience shows that most men who have hit someone once will do it again. In most cases, the intensity of the violence then also increases.
Fear of social decline and the youth welfare office
It is a vicious circle that only a few women break. Most only manage to leave if they live alone (31%) or if the violence becomes too severe and children are involved (36%). Statistically speaking, it takes a woman up to seven attempts before she leaves the relationship. Threats from their partners that they will find them everywhere or the fear that no one will believe them make women stay with their partners. "If there are children involved, the mothers are very afraid of social decline and that the children will be taken away from them by the youth welfare office," says Henrike Krüsmann. Many of the women have been financially dependent on their partner for years and don't know how they can afford an apartment with the few resources they have. However, partner violence can be found throughout society. "We have found that women in higher education and income brackets are no less likely to be affected by serious partner violence," says Monika Schröttle, who presented the only nationally representative dark field study on the subject in 2004. Regardless of the social environment in which the women live, one thing is clear and important to Henrike Krüsmann: "The women only make it out if they find a good help system and support.
Too few counseling hotlines and overcrowded women's shelters
When women contact Henrike Krüsmann, it is important that they receive advice and help quickly. But this is precisely the catch: although the BIG hotline is staffed daily from 8 a.m. to 11 p.m., including weekends and public holidays, overloads on the hotline are no exception. There are too few advisors and women often can't reach anyone or have to wait too long on hold.
Since the coronavirus pandemic, inquiries have been increasing, and not just at the BIG in Berlin. Jutta Dreyer is head of life coaching at pme Familienservice, which offers psychological help in acute crisis situations in addition to advice and coaching for professional and private problems. The systemic family therapist also has the impression that more couples are reporting arguments and fisticuffs at home this year: "The restricted freedom of movement during the lockdown has led to great stress and tension for many couples, which then leads to arguments, insults and, in the worst case, violence. Couples and families who already had problems before are now under a lot of pressure, which no longer finds an outlet outside their own home, for example when playing sport or meeting others in person. Alcohol is certainly also playing a role, as many people have increased their consumption during the lockdown. But perhaps more women are now coming forward and daring to seek help more quickly because the issue has simply become more visible during the coronavirus pandemic. Neighbors are now also more likely to look".
It is not only the counseling work for women affected by violence that faces enormous challenges, but also the women's shelters. The problem is that they are full, and not just since the coronavirus outbreak. For years, staff have been complaining that they cannot offer enough places to the women affected and have to turn away hundreds of women and their children seeking help at the doors every year. "In Berlin, women and their children sometimes have to stay in a women's shelter for up to a year or longer because the housing market doesn't have any affordable apartments to offer and the women don't know where to go," says Krüsmann.
"Affected women and children need help immediately"
There are reliable figures on whether the number of inquiries to advice centers and women's shelters has increased since the coronavirus pandemic at the beginning of the year 
not yet. However, in March 2020, Federal Minister for Family Affairs Giffey called on the federal states to rent hotel rooms and vacation apartments as places of refuge in order to relieve the burden on women's shelters during the lockdown. Michael Kunkel is an advisor on the pme Familienservice life situation hotline in Frankfurt am Main and has experienced that there is still a lack of suitable accommodation: "I was looking for a safe place for a client with a four-year-old child. The women's shelters in the area were all full. I couldn't be offered a place via the central hotline either, I had to call the women's shelters individually. We finally found a place in a women's shelter, but it was almost 70 km away, so not near my workplace or childcare center. It should be guaranteed that those affected and their children receive suitable help immediately.
Too little in the public debate
More staff on the telephone and advice hotlines, more shelters for women and their children: the good thing about the coronavirus crisis is that these demands are now being heard. Normally, the issue of domestic violence always receives a lot of attention exactly once a year, when the global day of action "Violence against Women" is celebrated on November 25. This year, when people should not leave their homes in order to minimize the risk of infection, domestic violence is back in the public eye: in political debates, in newspaper articles and on advertising posters. The #sicherheim initiative, for example, is running a nationwide campaign to raise awareness of domestic violence.
Henrike Krüsmann welcomes the fact that the issue is now being discussed more publicly and that people are being made more aware of it. However, she also points out that domestic violence has disappeared from public perception for too long. "The last study on domestic violence was carried out in 2014. The only explanation for why there were no more after that is that the topic was obviously not relevant to society." The virus will eventually disappear from the public debate, but hopefully the perception of domestic violence will not.
Henrike Krüsmann is the coordinator for children and young people as well as perpetrator-oriented intervention at BIG, the Berlin Initiative against Violence against Women.
https://www.big-koordinierung.de
Sources and studies:
https://www.berlin.de/sen/frauen/keine-gewalt/haeusliche-gewalt
As an employer, would you like to support your employees in the event of domestic violence?
We support the employees of our contractual clients with problems in a wide variety of life situations - individually, confidentially, 24 hours a day - and offer immediate psychological help in acute crisis situations, provide advice in cases of child endangerment and refer women to shelters as well as to further counseling centers and other support options.
Contact: Jutta Dreyer, Product Manager Life Situation Coaching
E-mail: jutta.dreyer@familienservice.de
Are you a pme customer and need help and advice?
Call us, anonymously, 24 hours a day, 365 days a year: 0800 80 100 7070
Are you affected by domestic violence but not a pme customer?
In acute cases of domestic violence, please call the police emergency number 110!
You can find a list of helpful emergency contacts on the German Prevention Day website: hwww.praeventionstag.de
