Good parenting: listening to your inner voice
Children are not the only ones who need "roots and wings" in order to develop well. One of the developmental tasks for parents is also to find a balance between attachment and autonomy in their own lives and when being with their children. In this interview, educational scientist Prof. Sigrid Tschöpe-Scheffler explains what this can look like.
Ms. Tschöpe-Scheffler, what is good parenting for you?
Sigrid Tschöpe-Scheffler: For me, parenting is first and foremost about being present. Parents build a good relationship with their child by being present, noticing, observing, paying attention to and respecting the child. It's very important to say goodbye to the idea of having to be perfect!
Where do you often notice uncertainties among parents?
Parents often have too many parenting guides in their bookshelves and too much expert wisdom in their heads. They have forgotten to listen to their inner voice. I encourage parents to find their own way with their child in each situation and to keep asking themselves: "Do I feel good, safe and strong in my relationship with my child?". I look at where they are individually: Can parents set boundaries? Can they encourage their children? What about respect and cooperation, how do they treat each other?
You wrote the book "Five pillars of education". What are these pillars?
The five pillars of parenting, the cornerstones of good parenting, so to speak, are love, respect, cooperation, structure and encouragement. This gives parents a set of tools with which they can constantly question their parenting style and their relationship with their child. In the meantime, two further pillars have been added, inspired by lectures and discussions with parents and experts, and the eighth pillar is currently being further developed.
How did the "pillars of education" come about?
The origin was a seminar with students on the question "What is good education?". We found answers to this question in the standard works of pedagogy - for example by Fröbel, Pestalozzi and Montessori. Later, students asked the same question to people on the street - men, women, with or without children, of different nationalities and backgrounds. The interesting result of the 1,200 questionnaires: the answers essentially corresponded to the central statements of the standard works. So there are general structural elements of a good upbringing. They are the core of my book "Five Pillars of Education", which has since become a longseller and is used in the training of educators.
How do parents benefit from taking the five pillars of parenting into account?
They gain the courage to go their own way with the child, eyes and ears to better perceive their child and themselves. They become more confident in what they do and develop an attitude. This makes them independent of other people's advice.
"Say goodbye to the idea of having to be perfect"
Prof. Dr. Sigrid Tschöpe-Scheffler was a professor at the Cologne University of Applied Sciences for Family Education and head of the Institute for Childhood, Youth and Family until 2015. She now works as a freelance family and parenting consultant, author and speaker. She runs webinars for the pme Familienservice - most recently on the topic of "Good parenting - listening to your inner voice".
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