13.09.2017 Sabrina Ludwig 4772

My home, your home - our child

Where should the child live after separation? The alternating model is now getting a tailwind from politicians.

Author: Annemarie Gerzer-Sass

Where should the child live after separation? The alternating model is now getting a boost from politicians.

Where should the child live after the separation? For many parents, this is a key question that is sometimes the subject of tough negotiations - often in court. A move by the Federal Minister for Family Affairs, Katarina Barley, to support the so-called "alternating model" could now lead to a paradigm shift. Back in February 2017, the Federal Court of Justice (BGH) ruled that there was nothing to prevent family courts from ordering a "alternating model" and enforcing it against the will of the other parent (usually the mother) if this shared care is in the best interests of the child.

Best interests of the child versus traditional roles

The ruling is an invitation to parents as well as family courts and institutions to put the child at the center of their decision-making. It touches on various aspects: The welfare of the child as an independent subject is central. The older the child gets, the more important its own wishes and ideas about how and where it wants to live become. The "residence model" that has been used in the majority of cases to date (90%), in which the child lives with the mother, for example, and is only with the father every other weekend, follows the traditional distribution of roles. The mothers are responsible for the children, the fathers are the breadwinners of the family and are not allotted the same amount of time for childcare. This no longer corresponds to reality, because more fathers today want to be involved in bringing up their children and mothers no longer want to cut back on their careers to the same extent as in the past. More than half of divorcing parents (51%) wish to continue living together with their child on a daily basis (Allensbach study), even if they live in different places.

Hurdles of the alternating model

However, reality also shows that only 22% are able to put this wish into practice. There are various reasons for this:

The separation or divorce phase is not the best time for negotiating understandings and compromises: Without help, reaching a compromise is often difficult. Mediation and counseling are needed here in order to be able to live the parental role in the interests of the child despite the terminated partnership. Couples must constantly work on shared responsibility and building new trust. Anyone who believes that they have "disposed of" their partner with the divorce is mistaken: shared parenthood is for life and must be worked on depending on the child's stage of development.

Parents fear that children could be uprooted by the alternating model: These fears are not confirmed in practice, as long as the alternating model is child-friendly. A study by the German Youth Institute shows that children - and not just older ones - usually adjust very well to life in two parents' homes and that this has a positive effect on their development. The decisive factor is how parents meet the children and not in which rooms this takes place. According to Prof. Dr. Jörg Maiwald, Managing Director of the German League for the Child, it is important for the success of the alternating model that the parents' homes are not far apart and that the alternation is flexible as the children get older. However, the alternating model is not suitable for every child, which is why the will of the child must be questioned and taken into account according to age. If both parents have previously cared for the child, this should continue to be possible in order to maintain and further develop the bonds that have developed.

Not every family can afford the alternating model

All too often, the best intentions fail due to scarce and expensive living space in larger cities, logistical challenges or the working hours and demands of mothers and fathers. These hurdles need to be overcome with the help of family policy. In particular, companies need a push for equal opportunities for fathers in terms of flexible working hours and parental leave, as well as a change in management culture: managers are still not sufficiently aware that taking responsibility for their families does not mean a loss of skills, but rather a gain in skills for the company.

Sweden sets a good example: less conflict, more equality

In Sweden, a third of all children from separated and divorced families already live according to the alternation model. Here it can be seen that this also has an impact on how the separated partners interact with each other. The alternating model expert Hildegund Sünderhauf-Kravets, lawyer for family law and professor of law at the Protestant University of Applied Sciences in Nuremberg, assumes that the alternating model will also become established in Germany in the next 20 years.

She sees this as an opportunity for a more peaceful and cooperative approach to separation and divorce, as parents no longer have to fight over children. If care time is shared equally, maintenance disputes are also eliminated, as both parents can fulfill their care and maintenance obligations at the same time. The paradigm shift could therefore take place on various levels: In the organization of separation and divorce within the couple relationship, in the question of equal rights for fathers in childcare, in role models within institutions and, above all, in the world of work, which enables mothers and fathers to provide adequate care for their children.

Sources:

Hildegund Sünderhauf: "Wechselmodell: Psychologie-Recht-Praxis: Abwechselnde Kinderbetreuung durch Eltern nach Trennung und Scheidung" Springer VS ISBN 978-531-1909-8 (eBook).

Allensbach Institute for Public Opinion Research: Future discussion "Parenting separately together" July 11, 2017 in: Newsletter of the BMFSFJ No. 66/ Issue of 08.08.2017 - Core results of a survey of separating parents.

About the author:
Annemarie Gerzer-Sass worked for many years as a family researcher at the German Youth Institute. For ten years, she managed the "Multigenerational Houses" project for the Federal Ministry for Family Affairs, Senior Citizens, Women and Youth (BMFSFJ), for which the pme Familienservice Group acted as a service agency. Today, our long-time employee is "unretired" and writes for our blog, among other things.

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