Am I ready for a child?
The path to having children is a journey that is very individual and often characterized by uncertainty.
The decision for or against having a child has become plannable for many people - most of us have the privilege of being able to decide for ourselves whether and when we want to become parents. But is there a right time? When am I ready for a child? And how do I talk to my partner about my desire to have children?
In this article, Carline Krügl, social pedagogue and systemic counselor, provides answers to frequently asked questions about the desire to have children.
Content of this article
What is the need behind the desire to have children?
The desire to have children basically describes a person's desire to have children. This desire is often linked to deep emotional needs, such as the pursuit of love, belonging and the fulfillment of life goals.
Many people see parenthood as an opportunity to pass on their values and traditions or to start a family. The desire to have children can also be influenced by social expectations and personal life goals - as well as biological factors.
Am I ready for a child? 4 signs that I am
For very few people, there is THE right time to have a child. Even if we try to take all factors into account, there will usually always be something that speaks against it. In addition to biological aspects, psychological and social factors also play a major role in the decision to have a child.
4 signs that I'm ready for a child:
1. emotional stability: Am I able to create a safe and loving environment for my child?
2. financial security: Do I have the financial stability to cover my child's needs?
3. stable partnership: Do we both want a child or is the desire to have children one-sided? Ideally, the desire to take on responsibility should be shared by both partners.
4 Personal reflection: Am I prepared to put my own needs on the back burner? It is important to be aware of your own wishes and fears and to be prepared to put your own needs on the back burner.
The pressure to find the right time and social expectations can influence the desire to have children. Many couples therefore postpone family planning due to career, financial insecurity or personal goals, which in turn could affect fertility later on.
How do I talk about my desire to have children?
Talking openly about your own desire to have children is crucial for a healthy relationship. In order to approach the topic sensitively, it is helpful to think about your own wishes and fears in advance:
Think about what is important to you and what concerns you have. A good time for the conversation could be a quiet evening when you are undisturbed. Start with an open question, such as: "How do you feel about having children?" This opens up the dialog and allows both partners to share their views.
It is important to listen actively and show understanding for the other person's position, even if opinions differ.
The path to the desire to have children is a journey that every woman experiences individually. The event "Kinderwunsch here I come" invites participants to an open discussion on the often pressing questions: Am I ready for this responsibility? Will I be able to do my child justice? What if it doesn't work out? What if I don't get pregnant straight away?
This event is free of charge for employees of our cooperation partners with a corresponding contract.
Unilateral desire to have children - What now?
A one-sided desire to have children can come from both the woman and the man and can quickly lead to emotional tension in a relationship. The reasons for not having a child are very individual, such as
- Financial uncertainty
- Fear of responsibility
- Fear of change in the relationship
- Fear of the role of mother or father
- Partner already brings child(ren) into the relationship and has no further desire to have children
- Partner does not want children as a matter of principle
- Conflicts with work and career
"It's important to talk openly about the reasons why one of the partners doesn't want to have children. Finding solutions together and making compromises is crucial. In many cases, it can be helpful to seek professional support to clarify the situation and strengthen the relationship." Carline Krügl, social pedagogue & systemic consultant, pme Familienservice
Tips for a one-sided desire to have children
Sit down together and talk openly about your desire to have children. If the desire to have children is one-sided, then
- asks specifically about the reasons for not having a baby,
- take your partner's arguments seriously and
- try to understand each other.
In the end, it is important that decisions are made together as a couple and that both can stand behind this decision - whether for or against a child or whether the desire to have children has been postponed for the time being.
If the other person needs time to think about it, then give each other time, leave the issue for a while and get together again at a later date.
"A fertility test can provide information and once again create a different basis for discussion. It makes it possible to take a fresh look at the desire to have children and the timing of a pregnancy. Especially if you are considering postponing your desire to have children until later: With age, both the woman's fertility and the man's sperm quality decrease." - Carline Krügl
It is important not to force anything on each other or put each other under pressure. After all, having a child together should always be a joint decision. If you get stuck on your own, an independent third person, such as a couple's therapist, can help you to discuss the issue of wanting to have a child objectively, in a moderated manner and on "neutral ground".
If your partner decides not to have a child, separation can be a realistic step - if the desire to have children is essential for you.
Wanting to have children later - how long to wait?
Women in Germany are getting older and older before they have their first child: According to the Federal Statistical Office, the average age at first birth is 30.3 years. In the 40+ age group, the proportion of all new mothers is currently around five percent.
There are various reasons for wanting to have children late in life: many women want to pursue a career and realize their full potential before they think about planning a family. Or the right partner comes along later in life.
The probability of becoming pregnant decreases with age. While young women in their 20s have a chance of getting pregnant of around 25% per cycle, this probability drops to around 10-12% per cycle from the age of 35. It is therefore important that women and couples who wish to have children address the issue of fertility at an early stage.
If the desire to have children is postponed, it is also recommended that both partners have their fertility tested and that the biological factors of the desire to have children are taken into account.
In the event "First the career, then the child - everything about the late desire to have children" you will learn what options you have to realize the late desire to have children and what the path to this can look like.
This event is free of charge for employees of our cooperation partners with a corresponding contract.
What methods are there to get pregnant if you want to have children late?
1. in vitro fertilization (IVF)
IVF is a procedure in which a woman's eggs are fertilized outside the body . The fertilized eggs (embryos) are then implanted into the uterus. This is particularly useful for women whose fallopian tubes are damaged or who have difficulty getting pregnant naturally.
2. intracytoplasmic sperm injection (ICSI)
In this procedure, a single sperm is injected directly into an egg. ICSI is often used in conjunction with IVF and is particularly helpful in cases of male infertility or when sperm quality is impaired.
3. cryopreservation (freezing of eggs or embryos)
Women can have their eggs frozen to preserve their fertility. This allows them to become pregnant later in life when they are ready. This method is often referred to as "social freezing" and is particularly beneficial for women who want to delay their family planning .
"The path to fulfilling the desire to have children can be emotionally challenging, especially if pregnancy does not occur immediately. It's important to support each other during this time and to seek professional help if necessary." - Carline Krügl
