Help for parents: How to talk to children about war?
Children sense when mom and dad are worried, pick up on conversations and listen to the news. But how can parents explain to their children what war is? Tips from our pme parenting advice service.
Conflict-laden topics, such as wars, dominate media coverage and everyday conversations. Even the youngest children are not immune to the information and emotions. Children and young people are dealing with the new situation, the war in Ukraine, in very different ways. Many children were already very affected by the coronavirus pandemic. Of course, the current war in Ukraine is not making them feel any better. How can parents talk to their children about the many new events in an age-appropriate way?
1. communicate at eye level
As an adult, you are in a superior role in dialog with children. It is necessary to put yourself at eye level (in the truest sense of the word!) and always take their feelings seriously. Even if parents don't always have the right answer ready, the following applies: "Listening well is more than remaining silent".
2. talk openly about feelings
Parents do not have to hide the fact that wars cause insecurity and anxiety even in adults. It is better to name the feelings and describe the situation objectively. Wild speculation and lurid thoughts would only unsettle children unnecessarily.
It also doesn't help to trivialize fear and sadness. It is better to ask exactly what is worrying the child. If we openly discuss current events and crises with our children and create opportunities together to reduce anxiety, children can develop a general strategy for dealing with stress and feelings of powerlessness in the future. Parents should therefore take their children's feelings seriously - no matter how old they are.
For younger children, it can also be helpful to use visualizations. The "emotion monsters" can be a helpful tool for this. These can be an excellent way to start a conversation. Of course, not only for difficult topics, but also in everyday life. As a supplement: It is important for children to express their feelings verbally. This helps them to regulate their emotions.
Live Talk: "Having difficult conversations with children" - War in Ukraine
3. satisfy the need for information
Every child is curious by nature. Children sense when sensitive topics are being discussed among adults and ask questions. The older children get, the more they create their own access to information. Parents must therefore come to terms with the fact that children want to satisfy their need for information.
It is important to respond specifically to the child's questions and not to tell them more than they want to know. An overabundance of information can quickly overwhelm children.
4. consume news in an age-appropriate way
The news we watch on television in particular is sometimes conveyed with disturbing images. Crying people, broken houses, weapons and soldiers can be very frightening for children.
Parents must therefore be all the more sensitive as to when their child can watch such scenes. If children want to find out about the events of war, age-appropriate programs and careful information are recommended. "ZDF Logo" is a suitable news program for children and has a media library suitable for children in addition to daily news topics.
5. watch the news together with children
Parents should make sure that the news is not on on the side. It is better to watch current affairs together and not leave the children alone. This way, parents are always available to answer questions and can discuss them with their children.
6. sensitize children to false reports
Even adults often find it difficult to distinguish between truth, fake news and manipulation. Fake news initially appears to be classic, credible news, but is in fact deliberately disseminated false news. Conflictual topics in particular are subject to manipulation in order to spread uncertainty and fear.
It is particularly important that we also pass on our skills regarding media consumption and fake news to our children and talk openly with them about it. Providing comprehensive information, questioning sources and encouraging critical thinking helps them to decide which information is correct and important and which is less so. Parents should show their children which sources of information are reliable.
7. convey security and activate self-efficacy
It is important not to be overwhelmed by helplessness. Children can feel defenceless and insecure. Instead, it is advisable to activate self-efficacy and thus convey more security.
What can children and parents do to help? What resources and skills have they already acquired in previous crises that will now help them to overcome the new challenges?
Get active in a child-friendly way:
- Paint a picture.
- Make small gifts.
- Keep a gratitude diary.
- Packing aid packages.
- Find and arrange accommodation for refugees.
Further links
The "Schau hin!" initiative provides information to explain sensitive topics objectively
https://www.schau-hin.info/sicherheit-risiken/ueber-katastrophen-sprechen
Informing children about the war in Ukraine:
https://www.zdf.de/kinder/logo/streit-zwischen-ukraine-und-russland-100.html
https://www.zdf.de/kinder/logo/ukraine-russland-krieg-reaktionen-100.html
Communicating at eye level - websites for children:
https://mobil.seitenstark.de/kinder/thema-der-woche/krieg-in-der-ukraine
Tips for children's news consumption:
https://www.schau-hin.info/news/krieg-in-der-ukraine-kinder-mit-nachrichten-nicht-allein-lassen
Recognize false reports:
https://www.mimikama.at
www.webhelm.de/fake-news-erkennen/
Parents' guide "FLIMMO" provides information about other information and advice services for children:www.flimmo.de/redtext/101380/Krieg-in-Europa
"Frieden-Fragen" provides child-friendly information on issues of war and peace as well as conflict and violence: www.frieden-fragen.de
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