Two girlfriends kissing a girlfriend on the cheeks
Psyche
13.08.2025 Sabrina Ludwig 220

Why we should kiss more often

When was the last time you kissed? Kissing strengthens our relationships and reduces stress. The 6-second kiss is even said to keep your relationship happy and alive.

(Expert: Carline Krügl, coach for sexuality & love | Editor: Sabrina Ludwig)

That's what it's all about:

Why kissing is so important for body and mind

A colorful happiness cocktail of dopamine, oxytocin and endorphins floods our body, reduces our anxiety and strengthens our emotional bond. At the same time, the immune system is strengthened, sexual desire is increased and blood flow to the facial muscles and even the whole body is improved.

Did you know that

  • over 30 facial muscles are active when kissing,
  • a kiss can burn up to 20 calories and
  • around 100,000 kisses over the course of a lifetime.

So kissing is not only beautiful, but also a real health booster - for body, mind and relationship.

The kiss as a reflection of our relationship

"Kissing is a true reflection of the state of a relationship," says psychotherapist and author Wolfgang Krüger(book: "Kissing as the language of love"). And the first indication of problems in a relationship is a lack of kissing.

Krüger's reasoning: Because when kissing, you have to get involved with the other person, feel his or her pace and perceive the smell and taste.

The American psychologist Dr. John Gottman does not claim that a lack of kisses indicates a lack of love. However, he is also convinced that kissing is a simple and effective ritual that can help to keep a relationship alive and loving.


 

The "6-second kiss": the secret of happy couples

Together with his wife Dr. Julie Gottman, Dr. John Gottman is one of the most renowned couples therapists in the world. Both researchers are known for their scientifically sound methods that promote a stable and happy relationship. Gottman's research is based on decades of observations of over 650 couples in the so-called Love Lab. 

The "6-second kiss" is a small but significant recommendation from John Gottman:

"A deliberate, passionate kiss lasting at least six seconds - every day."

In his blog post "The six second kiss", the scientist explains that a six-second kiss increases well-being in relationships and reduces stress:

"A six second kiss is one of the least time-consuming ways to improve things with your partner."

Gotman's research shows that the bonding hormone oxytocin, which strengthens the emotional bond and trust between two people, is only released after a six-second kiss. A fleeting kiss is simply too short for this. 

This is how the 6-second kiss works:

  • It strengthens the emotional bond
  • Reduces stress
  • Increases the feeling of closeness and trust
  • Reminds you that your partner is more than just a roommate

By the way: John Gottman and Julie Schwartz Gottman have now been married for 35 years. Together they founded the Gottman Institute and developed many of the best-known methods for couples therapy - such as the "Sound Relationship House".
 

Kissing in different cultures

A 2015 study by the Kinsey Institute at Indiana University came to the conclusion that romantic kissing occurs in 46 percent of the 168 cultures studied.

Especially in the Middle East, North America and Europe, many kisses are distributed. In African cultures south of the Sahara, on New Guinea or in Central America, kisses associated with love and sexuality play less or no role.

Where does the kiss come from - theories on its origins

All that remains is speculation. One theory is that our extinct ancestors, the Neanderthals, are said to have passed food from mouth to mouth. But of course nobody wrote anything down back then - and so it remains unclear whether this is how kissing began.

In 2024, evolutionary psychologist Adriano Lameira from the British University of Warwick put forward a completely new theory . He points out that there is a behavior in the animal kingdom that combines the characteristics of kissing: In the final step of grooming, the grooming monkey touches the other with pursed lips and sucks up any parasites or dirt found. After the monkeys had lost their fur, the removal of parasites by kissing continued.

Even if we don't know how the kiss originated, one thing is clear: kissing is an important part of our lives. The kiss is a sign of love, friendship and care - and exists in many different ways alongside the romantic kiss: as a kiss on the hand, a kiss in the air or a kiss on the cheek as a greeting.

"A kiss is not just a touch of the lips, but a form of communication that connects us with the other person in a special way. Used correctly, it can replace many words. Not just those of love, but also those of farewell, friendship or a promise."
Carline Krügl, coach on sexuality and love, pme Familienservice


 

FAQ - Your most important questions about kissing

Question 1: Why does kissing strengthen the relationship?

Kissing promotes the release of oxytocin, the "bonding hormone", which creates closeness, trust and cohesion.

Question 2: How long should a kiss last?

Studies show that a kiss should last at least 6 seconds to achieve the full effect of oxytocin.

Question 3: Does kissing really burn calories?

Yes, kissing works over 30 facial muscles, which can burn around 2-3 calories per minute.

Are there cultures in which kissing is unusual?

Yes, in some regions of Africa, South America and Oceania, kissing is not practiced as an expression of love and affection.

Further sources and experts

  • Wolfgang Krüger: "Kissing as the language of love"
  • John and Julie Gottman: Research in the Love Lab and "Sound Relationship House"
  • Study "The ancient history of kissing" (Science, 2024)
     
Do you sometimes feel "lost" in crisis mode?

With our initiative "Lost in Space? The pme Survival Guide for Uncertain Times", we provide our customers with valuable tools for work, love and ageing.  

"Lost in Space - pme Survival Guide for uncertain times" initiative

 

zero Violence at home: what employers can do

Woman who experiences violence at home in a counseling interview
Psyche
09.12.2022 Josephin Hartmann 16913

Violence at home: How employers can help

For those who experience domestic violence, the workplace often becomes a protected space. Managers can support victims: with understanding, a willingness to talk and the provision of help.   

It is often underestimated: When employees call in sick to work, the reason may be that they have been subjected to psychological, physical or sexual violence at home. Companies can provide support in this delicate situation. However, it is important to handle the situation sensitively and offer the right support.

pme life situation coach Jutta Dreyer gives tips on how you as an employer and manager can support affected employees.

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Domestic violence: tips on how managers can support affected employees 

1. watch out for signs: Withdrawal, depressed, anxious  

Domestic violence is not a private matter, it concerns us all. Most managers share this view. Pme life situation coach Jutta Dreyer often sees managers calling her because they are worried about their employees. When they use our advice, they already have the impression that the situation at home is very difficult and that violence could be involved.  

It is often difficult to recognize whether employees are affected by domestic violence, as it is a shameful topic. Those affected try to hide it for as long as possible. They are ashamed and often feel guilty for their situation.  

Therefore, managers can only look out for small signs that violence is taking place at home.  

Signs can be: 

  • Withdrawal: Person withdraws, no longer or less and less participates in team meetings, talks less and less about home. 
  • Person appears depressed or anxious. 

2. offer help: Make contact with help centers 

Jutta Dreyer is familiar with the situation where managers call and need immediate help, for example when an affected employee is sitting next to them and is very afraid to go home.

"This call is the first right step that managers can take. It paves the way for them to contact us, as the people concerned would not pick up the phone themselves. Once contact has been made, we take over the conversation to build trust."

Jutta Dreyer, life situation coach, pme Assistance


However, managers may also call in acute situations because the violent family member is already at the door to collect the person concerned from work. In such cases, a manager should call the police so that the employee is not put at risk. 

3. communicate offers of help within the company 

If a conversation is held with affected employees and the person opens up, it is important what the manager radiates. It is about signaling understanding for the fact that the person concerned has found themselves in such a situation and that it is not something to be ashamed of.  

However, this applies to all problems - be it addiction or mental illness. A manager can provide support by offering help services such as the pme intranet Familienservice . Putting up posters with emergency numbers for people who experience violence at home can also help.  

In this way, employers send a signal of understanding to their employees. At the same time, the inhibition threshold for seeking support is not so high.  

4 Gently seek a conversation 

Managers can also actively seek the conversation. However, caution is advised here. Anyone offering to talk should not open the door directly. Direct statements such as "Are you experiencing violence at home?" can overwhelm the other person.  

It is better to approach the topic carefully. Gentle questions such as "Could it be that it is difficult at home?" or "Could it be that you are being put under pressure at home?" make it easier for those affected to talk openly about it.  

Jutta Dreyer encourages:

"It is important for managers not to give up straight away if they are rejected. The person concerned could initially reply that everything is fine. The manager can stay on the ball and signal a willingness to talk at any time."

Q&A for managers: important questions and answers in brief 

As a manager, is it your job to prevent domestic violence?  

Quite clearly: no. But the employees concerned can be supported with appropriate offers - always provided that the person wants this!

Be aware of how shameful this topic is and that it is rarely communicated in the workplace. Try to develop an understanding for some difficult life situations. Convey the attitude that the person concerned is not to blame for the violence against them.  

How can you provide support?  

Offer the employee a quiet room (e.g. your office) where he/she can call the pme hotline Familienservice without being disturbed. Encourage them to do so, but do not exert any pressure.

You can also offer to call the employee together. This can be very helpful if he/she is not confident enough to make the call alone or may have language problems.  

How intensively should you provide support?  

The most important thing is to support and encourage the employee to contact a counselor, such as the pme Familienservice - but don't turn yourself into a grievance box!

What can you do as a manager if there is an acute threat situation on site (in your unit)?  

In the event of acute threats, call the police: 110. If, for example, an employee is afraid to go home because he/she is afraid of violence, you can call the pme Familienservice as a customer.  

IMPORTANT TO KNOW: Violence Protection Act  

Victims of domestic violence have the right to apply for court protection orders so that they are protected from further attacks by the perpetrator. The same applies to victims of stalking.

More information under: Violence Protection Act

Further help and links:

www.big-koordinierung.de

weisser-ring.de/haeuslichegewalt

www.hilfetelefon.de/gewalt-gegen-frauen/haeusliche-gewalt.html  

Sabrina Ludwig

Content and online marketing manager

Sabrina Ludwig is a Germanist and historian and has been PR and online marketing manager at pme Familienservice for many years, specializing in psychology and mental health. In the meantime, her heart also beats for everything to do with SEO and GEo.

Contact:

sabrina.ludwig@familienservice.de
Carline Krügl

Carline Krügl

Social pedagogue, systemic consultant, Head of pme Academy Munich

Carline Krügl is an experienced social pedagogue and systemic counselor. Her counseling focus is on systemic couples and sex therapy. In her specialist lectures, she shares her knowledge in these areas and complements this with her expertise as a certified nutritionist. 

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