28.05.2025 Isabel Hempel 2608

Love & Sexuality: Why HR should talk about it

In a world where mental stress and work-life balance are in the spotlight, the topic of love and relationships often goes unmentioned. It's time to remove these essential human needs from the HR taboo zone.

In the workplace today, we talk about psychological stress, mental health, diversity, and work-life balance. We offer coaching, mindfulness training, and diversity courses. Yet, one topic remains strangely excluded: love, intimacy, relationships , and sexuality .

This topic is present every day. Even at work: People are breaking up. They're desperately searching for life partners. They're falling in love. They're "cheating." They're overwhelmed by their libidos—or they miss them painfully. Some long for connection, others hide their relationship because it doesn't fit the picture. Our relationships are often under great pressure or nonexistent.

Love, relationships & sexuality: The last big HR taboo? 

"These topics must interest us as employers," says Alexa Ahmad, Managing Director of the pme Familienservice Group . "Of course, we don't want to question or even analyze the sex lives of our team members. But we must understand that it's not just the threat of burnout, a sick child, or a dependent relative that puts pressure on our team members. Increasingly, it's also issues like Loneliness or an unfulfilled desire to have children . These can place a great burden on people and even lead to life crises." 

Loneliness makes you ill - and inefficient

Primal human issues such as loneliness are not only a social problem, but also an economic one. According to the Gallup study, people who are socially isolated show less commitment, make mistakes more often and are less loyal to their employer ("State of the Global Workplace 2024").

"Statistically, the people most affected by loneliness are precisely those we're currently hiring, namely young people under 30. Those aged 18 to 25 suffer the most from loneliness, which shocked me. They're just moving out of their homes, becoming independent, and coming home to an empty apartment in the evening," says Alexa Ahmad.

"Companies can make offers for these young people. A warm and open corporate culture, celebrations and team-building activities really help to strengthen the sense of community and solidarity. Companies can also offer flexible working models and great sports activities - including digital ones - so that young employees can socialize outside of working hours."
 

The company as a dating agency?

Companies can also help people find a suitable partner. In Japan, companies already provide their employees with exclusive dating apps. In Germany, employers like RWE now offer discounts on Tinder and other services to promote social well-being and employee retention. 

"For many years, I've dreamed of developing my own dating app, where team members would register with their company address, bringing more transparency and commitment to the dating process. Perhaps the time is now ripe for this in Germany," says Alexa Ahmad. 

Benefits such as couples therapy or relationship counseling could soon be as commonplace as back training or team coaching. "Our portfolio has offered such services for many years. We offer advice from systemic family therapists and couples coaches when there's a crisis in your love life," explains Ahmad. "Employers benefit enormously when people receive easily accessible and free support with such challenges. They see things more clearly again and feel cared for at the same time." 

Positive relationships improve job performance

Companies also benefit directly when their employees are doing well on a relationship level. What many perceive as contradictory—good relationships versus professional success—is actually often a reinforcement. Studies show that people with stable, supportive relationships are more productive, satisfied, and resilient .
 

Good relationships promote leadership skills , reduce the risk of burnout, and boost self-confidence. What matters is not just that people are in a relationship—but how it is structured. Those who share goals with their partner and support each other have a better chance of achieving them. Success, therefore, doesn't begin in the office, but at home.

An analysis of over 12,000 managers showed that those who are good at building and maintaining relationships generally also have stronger skills in areas such as goal orientation, problem solving, integrity and motivating others. Good social skills therefore act as an amplifier for performance - they not only improve cooperation, but also make a noticeable contribution to individual effectiveness and leadership skills. 

"The stronger the bond, the clearer the focus"

"In my leadership coaching sessions, relationships are a recurring topic. The more fulfilling a leader feels in their love life, the more confident they appear in their leadership. This is certainly also due to the fact that their minds are simply free for professional matters," says couples and leadership coach Carline Krügl, director of the pme Academy in Munich. "Love is like an invisible thread that connects our professional ambitions with the emotions of our relationships – the stronger the bond, the clearer the focus."

Supporting people in maintaining healthy relationships—both in their personal and professional lives—can have a direct impact on their well-being and, consequently, on their work performance. Companies can provide support here through services such as couples counseling, educational presentations, and an open atmosphere for discussion . 

Managers who communicate openly and appreciatively - in other words, who are good "job relationship partners" - are crucial. They can help their employees to develop, build on their strengths and achieve common goals.

Libido vs. pressure to perform: Is sex a performance booster?

It's not just the quality of a person's relationships that has a positive impact on their working life. A fulfilling love life also increases motivation at work. According to a US study, sex acts like a natural antidepressant , with effects that can last up to 24 hours—well into a workday. 

So much for the theory. In practice, sexuality and libido are a complex topic for many people that is not sufficiently communicated about. Those who are not newly in love often feel that they don't have enough sex or have lost the desire for it. A heavy workload is often the reason. If you are constantly exhausted, you don't feel like it. Not for sport or exercise, let alone sex. Chronic stress, overtime, pressure and emotional exhaustion have a direct impact on your sex life.

Overwork at work has been proven to lower libido

"Burnout is not only a career risk, but also a libido killer," says Carline Krügl. "Companies can help reduce stress and create space for a fulfilling love life through flexible working hours and locations, as well as mental health programs. Furthermore, educational offerings on topics such as sexuality and relationships can break taboos and improve employees' quality of life."

Krügl adds: "It's important to correct the image many people have of sex. In films, advertisements, or porn, love life appears as a kind of competitive sport for well-trained young bodies. But sex is not a 'performance,' but at best a highly sensitive, pleasurable encounter between two people."

To change the distorted view of love and sexuality, we must remove the pressure of constant 'performance' from the bedroom and create a culture of openness and acceptance, where genuine encounters and empathy are paramount. "Intimate togetherness should not be seen as a task on the to-do list, but as valuable time for mutual appreciation and joy," says Krügl.

Japan: Proximity, relationships and sex are systemically relevant 

A look at Japan shows where enormous work pressure can lead a society: loneliness, historically low birth rates, and an entire industrial and service sector geared toward single life: producing sex toys for single people, silicone dolls as substitutes for spouses, and digital worlds full of erotic manga heroines. 

There are agencies that hire out young men for afternoon walks and cuddle cafés where men pay a lot of money to lie in the arms of a young woman for a few minutes. The basic human need for closeness is becoming a commodity.  

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The city of Tokyo is attempting to address the demographic impact by offering its administrative employees a voluntary four-day workweek starting in April 2025, primarily to relieve the burden on working parents and boost the birth rate. In addition, parents with elementary school-age children will be able to finish work earlier – in return for a certain salary reduction.
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Psychological safety when dealing with personal issues

When we talk about topics like love, relationships, or loneliness, we're moving into a sensitive area that's often labeled "private" and, precisely for that reason, is left out of many work contexts. What does it take to change that? 

“Speaking openly about private matters requires a great deal of trust in the other person and a high degree of psychological security ,” says Darina Doubravová, head of pme’s central Work:life Academy Familienservice Group. "Employees must feel that they can open up – without fear of judgment, consequences, or exposure. Managers play a key role here by modeling openness and taking personal issues seriously rather than devaluing them."
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How can HR managers and executives provide targeted support?

There's no need for "therapeutic conversations" in the office, but rather a work environment where people aren't afraid to be human. HR and managers have a responsibility to actively foster this climate – through attitude, language, and structures .

1. Use individual conversations in a targeted manner

A space can be created in 1:1 conversations. A simple question such as "How are you feeling right now - even outside of work?" can be a door opener. HR can act as a sparring partner for managers on how to conduct such conversations sensitively.

2. Design team meetings consciously

Psychological safety can be promoted in the team context - for example through regular check-ins or formats such as "mood rounds" in which personal sensitivities have a place. It is important that no one is forced, but everyone knows: You can also show up here as a person.

3. Raise awareness among managers

HR should actively contribute to raising awareness among managers that personal issues such as loneliness, heartbreak, or family stress have real impacts on work life—and are therefore also relevant for leadership. An open attitude can not only build trust but also have a preventative effect, for example, in the context of mental health.

Relationship management as part of modern HR

Love and sexuality don't belong in personnel files. But they do need to be addressed – in a reflective, inclusive, and caring HR culture. HR doesn't have to ask questions about sex lives. But HR can create spaces where relationship topics aren't dismissed as embarrassing or private. And it can help ensure that connection can be experienced in the workplace and that the workload isn't so heavy that the joy of life suffers. 

She can explore new ways of communicating and provide ideas on how these can be implemented in everyday team life. They can listen to the basic human needs of employees and help to ensure a zest for life and well-being. They can offer services that support employees in maintaining good relationships, developing in their private lives and staying mentally healthy.

Managers don't have to dictate personal lives, but they can create favorable conditions for cohesion : through personal conversations, appreciation, team rituals (even remotely), and targeted strengths development. They don't have to be friends, but they share responsibility for the quality of relationships within the team. Their role: to facilitate connections—not force them.

Good leadership recognizes that people also exist beyond the office. And does not love performance - but people.