11.09.2024 Gabriele Strasser 3564

Listening and understanding each other at the Streitmobil

As part of our "Keep the conversation going - take a stand" campaign, we talk to pme employee Katja Kaiser from Hamburg about her very special project, the STREITMOBIL. She tells us what motivated her, what issues people come with and how we can stay in touch despite differences of opinion. 

Dear Katja, how did the Streitmobil come about? How did you come up with the idea?

Katja Kaiser: I started my Streitmobil in 2020. I first thought about it a few years ago on a course on non-violent communication at pme Familienservice. That's when I realized that you can express your feelings in other ways than with the words sad, angry and so on. I found that exciting, because I wanted to have even more communication methods at my fingertips in both my professional and private life. After further courses on non-violent communication, I came up with the idea: our district in Hamburg needs an argument mobile. The name was clear to me from the start: we all have arguments. Some people can't argue, some feel they argue too much - and in my courses I have simply learned how relieving it is and how enriching arguing can be. 

How can we imagine the Streitmobil? 

I immediately had a clear picture in mind. I said to my husband: "We need an old van, and then I'll write 'Streitmobil' on it. With the support of family, friends and a graphic designer, we made it look more professional, and one day this van turned up on my doorstep with the slogan "Streitmobil - zuhören und sich verstehen" ("Dispute mobile - listen and understand each other").

At first I was afraid of my own courage, but I already had my idea in my head. I made a poster that said "Are you angry with yourself or someone else? Talk about it at the Streitmobil, free of charge, sponsored by the City of Hamburg". There are two chairs in front of the van and I'm sitting on one of them, reading my textbooks on the side. I don't want to intercept people immediately, like in a boutique. If people stop for a while, I approach them. The conversations then either take place outside or we sit down in the Streitmobil, where we have a protected space.

How often and where are you on the road with your Streitmobil?

I now do this six hours a week on three fixed days: on Sundays in Volkspark, on Mondays in a supermarket parking lot and on Wednesdays in Ottensen on the market square. I've tested the locations and realized that I also have to feel comfortable and safe there, otherwise the concept won't work.

Who is coming to the Streitmobil?

These are men and women and, more recently, children too. Network partners also come to introduce me to their services or people who simply say: "Hey, thanks for doing this!". That gives me a good feeling and strength to carry on.

Do the same people regularly come to the Streitmobil as well as walk-in customers? 

Yes, I do have a regular clientele. That's the most difficult thing, because I don't want to be a permanent offer. Because that also comes with a certain responsibility, as it then moves in the direction of therapy. The Streitmobil is intended to be an impulse offer to spread non-violent communication. And it works because it is low-threshold.

What are common topics?

The people who come to the Streitmobil mainly have couple problems, neighborhood issues and problems at work. They are mainly concerned with working with their boss or colleagues.

During the coronavirus period, there were many disputes about the question "To vaccinate or not?".
There were many people who had arguments with friends and family, who felt isolated, were sad and sorely missed contact with friends and family.

What I also find exciting is when someone comes along and says "Dispute mobile - are you still allowed to say anything here? You're not allowed to say anything else".
Then I reply "Of course, that's what I'm here for". I then take a stand and briefly say where I stand on the issue in question. But I don't talk against it. I listen. That's exactly what it is: staying in the conversation and showing my stance at the same time.

You've already touched on the core of our "Stay in the conversation - take a stand" campaign. What exactly interested you about the campaign? 

The Streitmobil is a peace project. Despite the name, it is about staying connected and in conversation and ensuring that humanity continues to be visible between us in the neighborhoods or at work. The fact that we remain in conversation despite differences of opinion is a great art.

Nonviolent communication can help us a lot with the question of how we can achieve this by saying to ourselves: connection before solution. If the fronts harden in a conversation and I absolutely want to be right, then I can think about it: Why is this so important to me? What can I do to avoid losing the connection?

And that's what I find so magical: when you still manage to have so much space and step back. That's why I think the campaign "Stay in conversation - take a stand" is so valuable, because there is a lot of talk about division and that we are drifting apart. And then to see: "How can I stay connected with this person who thinks so differently to me?". 

Has it ever happened to you that you didn't get anywhere in a conversation or that someone left you speechless or so shaken that there was no solution?

In any case. Especially when people come with blatant convictions or conspiracy theories and are sure that they know how the world turns and that I have no idea from their point of view. The biggest difficulty is then not to get involved, but just to briefly position your own point of view. Ultimately, I don't have to and can't convince these people at this moment. It's also not about who is right. It's about staying in touch.

Do you now know a solution for how such a conversation can proceed differently?

I now solve it by saying that the issue is very complex and that we cannot find a solution to this conflict from our living room, for example when it comes to political issues or wars. That it takes a lot to understand this complex and that I think it's really scary. I often hear from my counterpart that there is a lot of fear. In this case, it's about picking people up and staying in conversation instead of confronting them.

How do you strengthen yourself for this task? 

I draw a lot of strength from non-violent communication. It helps me a lot to see how I connect with these people and what needs are behind them.

And I strengthen myself through a conscious openness: I also open drawers when a person approaches me. I think that's completely normal. But then I say to myself: always keep an open mind and see what's behind it. 

I also have a volunteer supervisor who I can always go to. That also helps me a lot. 

An example scenario: A good friend makes a derogatory comment about a certain group of people. How can I respond to this without damaging our close relationship?  

I would try to define a framework. You always have to ask yourself how important the person is to me. With a close friend, I can name the relationship in conversation and say: "You, I don't share your opinion and this statement is not acceptable to me. But our friendship is very important to me. So I would like to understand you. Could you explain to me how you came to this opinion?". 

If I realize that I'm getting angry, I might need to have this conversation in a different setting or at a different time. Then I'd rather make an appointment instead of discussing it between the door and the door. Then I would say, for example: "I'm so angry right now, I can't talk about it now. But I'd like to sort it out with you, can we postpone it?". 

Or if I realize that I want to be right, I can sit back and say to myself "No, this is not about being right". Then I can look at why I actually want to be right. And how can I reconnect with the other person so that I don't lose them? 

With openness and calm, you can endure and leverage a lot. 

Would it also be a possibility for me to talk about myself and my experiences in order to pick up my counterpart and explain why I think differently?  

Yes, definitely. Many people say at the Streitmobil: "Everything is getting worse and worse". Then I say: "To be honest, I can't really say that. Yes, there are a lot of bad things, and of course we hear about a lot of them in the news." Then I often talk about myself and how I perceive it: "Of course I have to keep myself informed, but I cut down on the news. I prefer to go out and talk to people. I see so much support and humanity and a lot of joy here at the Streitmobil. I can't confirm that everything is getting worse and worse. The answer I often get back is: "Oh, do you really think so?". Sometimes people thank me and say: "That's nice, maybe I have too negative a view...".

My experience is that most people don't want to think so negatively. They usually want to express that they are worried about the future. Then they are happy when there is someone who radiates hope. Hope is also a resource.

Of course, it has to be said that I'm doing very well. I always have something to eat, I'm healthy and I'm not in pain. I can say that from a certain privileged position. Nevertheless, I mean it the moment I say it.

Your Streitmobil is unique. Can you imagine expanding the project and offering it in other cities?

Yes, I could spread the word. But then I wouldn't be out on the road myself, I'd just be doing management, which isn't my thing. I like people and want to stay in contact with them. I also want to continue working at pme Familienservice , which I also love.

Thank you so much for the interview, Katja!

"Stay in the conversation - show attitude" campaign