02.06.2025 Isabel Hempel 934

"You have to love your team members" 

"You have to love your team members. Some make it easy for you, and others make it harder," says Alexa Ahmad, CEO of pme Familienservice. She focuses on personal closeness and connection as the key to corporate success and firmly believes that interpersonal relationships within the team are crucial to resolving conflicts constructively, creating a harmonious working environment and being successful in business. 

"It is part of our leadership obligation to learn to love people who make it harder for us"

You attach great importance to personal closeness and solidarity within the company. Why do you pursue this philosophy?  

Alexa Ahmad: There are three reasons for this. One is that I have a heart for our team members and I feel like an employee and team member myself. The second is a socio-political responsibility that each of us bears and also as a company. Thirdly, the business context: I had a case where a team member in my management circle was politically completely at odds with the others, and that led to extreme entanglements. People who were really very reflective could no longer separate the two.

But if we completely reject someone as a person, it is not possible for many people to work together cooperatively. This has an extreme impact on business. Rejection often turns into avoidance or other friction - which almost inevitably leads to poorer results in all areas. It's dangerous when team members don't get along with each other. I say to my team members: "You can go at me if you like, but agree with each other".  

How do you define love and connection in the context of the company?

For me, this means that I have a positive image of team members, customers, partner organizations and suppliers. I say to my managers: "You have to love your team members. Some make it easy for you, others make it harder".

It is part of our leadership obligation to learn to love people who make it difficult for us. This applies to all people with whom we are allowed to work in a professional context.

One example: We had a lot of irritation and trouble with a client company. My colleague didn't want to have anything more to do with our contact person. It was a long-standing contact person of mine. She felt that I 'loved' her - meaning that I understood her situation, her needs and her actions , even if they were contrary to our interests. As a result, we were able to negotiate benevolently together again and find new solutions to the problems, taking into account our very different interests.  

When we make a serious effort to understand why someone ticks one way or another, people sense this. It's about finding a way to meet each other. An attitude that is benevolent and open to new agreements and solutions - that's what I mean by 'love'.  

How do you promote a culture in which your team members support and value each other?  

I do not consider myself to be a good manager and I am constantly trying to improve. I encourage my team members to be open about their interests and to have an open exchange of ideas. It's not unusual for people to come to me and get really upset about another team member. Then I ask: Have you spoken to the person and explained why this is annoying you? In 80 percent of cases, they say: No!  

Any conversation with a critical trigger can fail, no matter how well prepared I am. That is then a conflict. However, over 80 percent of the people I "send back" come to a positive conclusion with their counterpart. And if that doesn't work out, I'm there to support them. If I can't fix it either, we use our team members who are specially trained in conflict resolution.  

"My managers have 'bite inhibitions' on my farm "

In your private life, you live on a farm with lots of animals in the Vogelsberg. What role do the meetings you invite your management team to play there? 

At first, I only introduced these meetings out of desperation. My schedule was tight - I couldn't travel, so they came to me. Now I deliberately hold these meetings on my small self-catering farm. I guess it's because of the rural setting, where there are far fewer heated arguments than in the usual meeting rooms.  

My managers there have "biting inhibitions" (laughs). They behave completely differently in the Vogelsberg than in the office context. It's more harmonious, they and we are more willing to compromise and are more benevolent towards each other.  

What role do celebrations play in team spirit?

A realization from many decades as a manager: I only want us to hire people who are willing to celebrate with us. I now warn my managers: "If you hire someone who refuses to do this on principle, you're asking for trouble". A maximum of four events per year, e.g. team building, sports events, Christmas party, summer party, smaller team events.  

I have found that people who don't want to show up there have a high potential for conflict all year round. potential for conflict in their teams throughout the year. By not taking part, they quickly find themselves in an outsider position, the extent of which they cannot assess. You can't generalize, but that's usually the case.

That doesn't mean that we don't take into consideration if someone has social phobia or is totally stressed out for a year because they have taken on the care of their parents. That's a different matter.  

What do you think about forming networks in companies, e.g. for singles who are looking for a partner?

That's a trick question because you know that I've been dreaming of a company-supported singles platform for years. Women, and in some cases men, often take high risks to meet potential partners.  

There are so many platforms where we can meet people - for hiking or sports - that are all very anonymous and unsafe. We have been placing au pairs, elderly care and babysitters for decades. Seekers have to register with their company address and can always be assigned to an organization. If necessary, anonymity can be revealed, which is a huge protection.  

We need to get the topics of dating and loneliness out of the dirty corner and offer a safe platform. Employers have an interest in their employees maintaining good, stabilizing relationships, romantic relationships, friendships and professional networks.  

"Loneliness is a major issue for employees"

So should HR focus on relationships, love and sexuality?

Of course, we don't want to question or even analyze the sex lives of our team members. But we need to understand that it's not just the threat of burnout, a sick child or a relative in need of care that puts a strain on our team members. Increasingly, it is loneliness or an unfulfilled desire to have children. This places a heavy burden on people and leads to intense life crises that slowly creep up on them.  

Statistically speaking, loneliness affects precisely those we are currently recruiting, namely young people under 30. 18 to 25-year-olds suffer the worst from loneliness, which shocked me. They are just leaving home, becoming self-employed and then come home to an empty apartment in the evening. This is exactly where our platform would come in. 

Apart from such a platform, which does not yet exist, companies can already set up networks for target groups today. This is nothing new! Company sports groups have been around for over 100 years and groups for single parents or women's networks for decades.  

The challenge is to sense which group offers would be used. For example, there are unfortunately very few e-sports groups*, cooking groups are still very popular, or what about a group for office dog owners?

The basis for everything is that the company - and as its representatives, the managers - do not see it as a danger if their team members meet outside of working hours. That they recognize the great positive effect of team members getting to know each other better and networking.

*An e-sports group is a digital sports club: People train together, develop tactics and compete against other teams online in video game competitions - sometimes even in tournaments with real prizes and live broadcasts. Team spirit, technique and tactics take center stage - the thrill replaces the physical sweat.