Helicopter parents: What are the consequences of overprotection?
The anxious mother who takes her child everywhere by car and picks him up again, the controlling father who keeps a close eye on school performance and never shies away from a teacher's talk ...
While many parents want to support their children in order to pave the way for them, they often fall into the role of "helicopter parents". However, this overprotective attitude, which usually results from their own worries and fears, impairs the development of children's independence.
A contribution by Ramona Krämer. As a specialist consultant and systemic family therapist, she advises and supports parents in parenting issues.
"The parents' job is to support their child only until the child can take over on their own - not to do everything for the child or to remove the challenges out of the way." - Ramona Krämer
Content of this article
What are "helicopter parents"?
"Helicopter parents" are parents who are constantly close to their children and circle around them like a helicopter so that they can intervene at any time if they think their child needs support or protection.
The parenting style of helicopter parents is characterized by
- Over-involvement
- Restriction of the child's autonomy
- Overprotection
- Assigning blame to third parties, e.g. when educators are held responsible if their own child has conflicts in the childcare center .
What is the difference between helicopter parents and lawnmower parents?
In contrast to helicopter parents, lawnmower parents try to clear any potential challenge or difficulty out of the way at an early stage - preferably in advance. They "mow down" all obstacles before the child encounters them.
Both parenting styles are characterized by a strong overprotectiveness, but with a different approach: helicopter parents are more reactive, while lawnmower parents plan and act more in advance.
What is behind it when parents are overprotective?
The overprotectiveness of helicopter parents often stems from their own fears.
There are usually reasons for the parents' overprotective behavior that lie in their past and are linked to experiences - before, during or after pregnancy: for example, a long fertility treatment, complications during pregnancy or birth, premature births, as well as postpartum depression or their own upbringing that they grew up with.
At the same time, the world is becoming more and more complex, and through media coverage we learn of many disasters around us and in the world, giving us the feeling that the world is more dangerous and unsafe for our children.
The desire for control often stems from the need to do something about one's own powerlessness and helplessness.
In psychology, this is known as the availability heuristic: an abbreviated, cognitive conclusion in which the probability of events is assessed according to their topicality and vividness in memory.
This means that tragic news becomes engrained, leading to a heightened sense of risk and thus to misjudgments and errors in judgment. This often results in increased protective measures
What impact do helicopter parents have on their children?
The overprotective parenting style leads to children becominganxious and developing phobias or fears themselves.
Before children can gather their own experiences, they rely on the experiences of their caregivers. This type of transfer of experience is very long-lasting, unlike other forms of learning that quickly fade if they are not repeated.
Phobias and fears, such as fear of spiders or the dentist or fear of loss, are transferred from the primary caregiver to their children. This happens on a non-verbal level, through facial expressions, gestures and smell.
What helps? Name and disclose your own fear!
Exchange ideas with other parents or your partner:
- Are there real dangers or is it a perceived insecurity?
- What can children of this age be expected to do?
- How do you handle this?
- Do you have similar fears?
BUT the parental role model is not the only factor that determines whether a child develops anxiety. Genetic, biological and socio-cultural influences also play a role here.
Example 1: An anxious mother limits her adventurous son's freedom of movement, which leads to frequent conflicts. Although the mother's anxiety is often noticeable, it is probably not transferred directly to the son.
Example 2: A rather cautious child is severely restricted in its independence by its parents. It is less and less confident in mastering challenges on its own and does not learn to develop the ability to act.
How do children of helicopter parents behave?
The overprotectiveness of helicopter parents has a strong influence on their children's development . This can be seen in their motor skills, risk assessment and frustration tolerance.
The influence on children's motor development and risk assessment
In its "More safety through movement" series of publications, Unfallkasse Hessen states that children who are allowed to move freely have fewer accidents . Children need free movement and the space to experience things for themselves.
They need challenges, borderline experiences and experiences of failure in order to learn to assess risks correctly and develop self-confidence.
The influence on children's resilience and frustration tolerance
Overprotected children who experience hardly any negative emotions, consequences and frustration while growing up develop less self-efficacy and suffer more frequently from anxiety disorders, according to studies by Stanford University (2021) and Florida Atlantic University (2023).
This makes it all the more important that children learn to deal with frustration, injustice, conflicts and even accidents at an early age and in an age-appropriate manner.
How can we make our children strong?
Parents - and helicopter parents in particular - must learn to endure their own fears and worries.
Instead of restricting your own child with well-intentioned overprotection, children need to be supported in their independence. In this way, they can develop crisis skills and learn to assert themselves independently.
This is also confirmed by the Florida Atlantic University study (2023), which shows that children and young people who spend a lot of time playing freely and riskily and are used to solving problems without parental guidance are mentally happier .
It is therefore important that parents promote their child's self-efficacy and resilience and give them the freedom they need.
5 tips on how to find a healthy level of care
1. see care as support for the independent development of your child. The long-term goal of parents should be to make themselves dispensable. After all, we want our children to be able to manage their own lives when they move out.
2 Only help your child if he or she asks for it.
3. ask your child questions instead of giving direct answers and thus anticipating a solution.
4. do not relieve your child of challenges, but support them in finding a solution themselves.
5. only provide support until the point is reached where your child can take over on their own.
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