Love & Sexuality: Why HR should talk about it
In a world where mental stress and work-life balance are in the spotlight, the topic of love and relationships often goes unmentioned. It's time to remove these essential human needs from the HR taboo zone.
In the workplace today, we talk about psychological stress, mental health, diversity, and work-life balance. We offer coaching, mindfulness training, and diversity courses. But one topic remains strangely excluded: love, intimacy, relationships , and sexuality .
The topic is present every day. Even at work: People are breaking up. They're desperately searching for life partners. They're falling in love. They're "cheating." They're overwhelmed by their libidos—or they miss them painfully. Some long for connection, others hide their relationship because it doesn't fit the picture. Our relationships are often under great pressure or nonexistent.
Love, relationships & sexuality: The last big HR taboo?
"As an employer, we have to be interested in these topics," says Alexa Ahmad, Managing Director of the pme Familienservice Group. "Of course, we can't question your employees' sex lives without being asked. That goes too far and is also not permitted. But we can't simply negate it. It's not just the threat of burnout, a sick child or a relative in need of care that causes a team member problems. Increasingly, it is also issues such as loneliness or an unfulfilled desire to have children. This can put a lot of strain on people and can also lead to life crises."
Loneliness makes you sick – and inefficient. Fundamental human issues like loneliness are not only a social problem, but also an economic one. According to a Gallup study , people who are socially isolated show lower levels of engagement, make more mistakes, and are less loyal to their employer ( “State of the Global Workplace 2024” ).
"Statistically, the people most affected by loneliness are precisely those we're currently hiring, namely young people under 30. Those who suffer most from loneliness are 18 to 25-year-olds, which shocked me. They're just moving out of their homes, becoming independent, and coming home to an empty apartment in the evening," says Alexa Ahmad.
"Companies can offer these young people opportunities. A warm and open corporate culture, celebrating parties, or team building greatly helps to strengthen the sense of community and solidarity. Companies can also offer flexible working models and great sports opportunities so that young employees can socialize outside of working hours."
The company as a dating agency?
Companies can also help people find a suitable partner. In Japan, companies already provide their employees with exclusive dating apps. In Germany, employers like RWE now offer discounts on Tinder and other services to promote social well-being and employee retention.
"For many years, I've dreamed of developing my own dating app, where team members would register with their company address, bringing more transparency and commitment to the dating process. Perhaps the time is now ripe for this in Germany," says Alexa Ahmad.
Benefits like couples therapy or relationship counseling could soon be as commonplace as back training or team coaching. "Our portfolio has offered such services for many years. Systemic family therapists and couples coaches advise us when there's a crisis in your love life," says Alexa Ahmad. "Employers benefit enormously when people receive easily accessible and free support for such challenges. They see things more clearly again, and at the same time, they feel cared for."
Positive relationships improve job performance
Companies also benefit directly when their employees are doing really well on a relationship level. What many perceive as contradictory—good relationships versus professional success—is in fact often a reinforcement. Studies show that people with stable, supportive relationships are more productive, satisfied, and resilient .
The Harvard Study of Adult Development is one of the longest running long-term studies in the world and has been following the lives of over 700 people since 1938 to find out what promotes a happy, healthy and fulfilling life.
Key finding: Good, reliable relationships with partners, family and friends are the most important predictor of long-term physical and mental health – far ahead of wealth or professional success.
Good relationships promote leadership skills , reduce the risk of burnout, and boost self-confidence. What matters is not just that people are in a relationship—but how it is structured. Those who share goals with their partner and support each other have a better chance of achieving them. Success, therefore, doesn't begin in the office, but at home.
An analysis of over 12,000 managers showed that those who are good at building and maintaining relationships generally also have stronger skills in areas such as goal orientation, problem solving, integrity and motivating others. Good social skills therefore act as an amplifier for performance - they not only improve cooperation, but also make a noticeable contribution to individual effectiveness and leadership skills.
"The stronger the bond, the clearer the focus"
"In my leadership coaching sessions, relationships are a recurring topic. The more fulfilling a leader feels in their love life, the more confident they appear in their leadership. This is certainly also due to the fact that their minds are simply free for professional matters," says Carline Krügl, director of the pme Academy in Munich and a couples and leadership coach. "Love is like an invisible thread that connects our professional ambitions with the emotions of our relationships – the stronger the bond, the clearer the focus."
Supporting people in maintaining healthy relationships – both in their personal and professional lives – can have a direct impact on their well-being and, consequently, on their work performance. Companies can provide support here, whether through services such as couples counseling, educational presentations, or by creating an open atmosphere for discussion .
What's crucial are leaders who communicate appreciatively and openly—in other words, they are good relationship partners. They can support their employees in developing their potential, developing their strengths, and achieving common goals.
Libido vs. pressure to perform: Is sex a performance booster?
It's not just the quality of a person's relationships that has a positive impact on their working life. A fulfilling love life also increases motivation at work. According to a US study, sex acts like a natural antidepressant , with effects that can last up to 24 hours—well into a workday.
That's the theory. In practice, sexuality and libido are complex topics for many people, and often not communicated adequately. Anyone who isn't newly in love often feels like they're not having enough sex or have lost interest in it. A heavy workload is often the reason. People who are constantly exhausted have no desire—neither for sports nor for exercise, let alone for sex. Chronic stress , overtime, pressure, and emotional exhaustion have a direct impact on their sex life.
Overwork at work has been proven to lower libido
"Burnout is not only a career risk, but also a libido killer," says Carline Krügl, director of the pme Academy Munich and a systemic couples counselor. "Companies can help reduce stress and create space for a fulfilling love life through flexible working hours and locations as well as mental health programs. Furthermore, educational offerings on topics such as sexuality and relationships can break taboos and improve employees' quality of life."
Carline Krügl adds: "It's important to correct the image many people have of sex. In films, advertisements, or porn, love life appears as a kind of competitive sport for well-trained young bodies. But sex is not a 'performance,' but at best a highly sensitive, pleasurable encounter between two people."
To change the distorted view of love and sexuality, we must remove the pressure of constant 'performance' from the bedroom and create a culture of openness and acceptance, where genuine encounters and empathy are paramount. "Intimate togetherness should not be seen as a task on the to-do list, but as valuable time for mutual appreciation and joy," says Krügl.
Japan: Proximity, relationships and sex are systemically relevant
A look at Japan shows where enormous work pressure can lead a society: loneliness, historically low birth rates, and an entire industrial and service sector geared toward single life: producing sex toys for single people, silicone dolls as substitutes for spouses, and digital worlds full of erotic manga heroines.
There are agencies that hire young men out for afternoon strolls, and cuddle cafes where men pay a lot of money to lie in a young woman's arms for a few minutes at a time. The basic human need for closeness is being commodified.
The city of Tokyo is trying to tackle the demographic effects by offering its administrative staff a voluntary four-day week from April 2025 in order to relieve the burden on working parents in particular and boost the birth rate. In addition, parents with children of primary school age will be able to leave work earlier - in return for a partial salary sacrifice.
According to Gallup's "State of the Global Workplace 2024 ", 20 percent of employees feel lonely often or all the time - and this figure rises to 25 percent for remote workers. However, working from home is not the main cause: the decisive factor is whether employees feel emotionally involved.
According to Gallup, engaged employees experience loneliness 64 percent less often. This shows that good leadership and social connection are more important than the workplace. According to the Gallup report, managers have a duty to actively promote social connection within their team. It's not the workplace, but rather a lack of emotional connection that causes loneliness – and this is where leadership has a major influence.
Psychological safety when dealing with personal issues
When we talk about topics like love, relationships, or loneliness, we're moving into a sensitive area that's often labeled "private" and, precisely for that reason, is left out of many work contexts. What does it take to change that?
“Speaking openly about private matters requires a great deal of trust in the other person and a high degree of psychological security ,” says Darina Doubravová, head of pme’s central Work:life Academy Familienservice Group. "Employees must feel that they can open up – without fear of judgment, consequences, or exposure. Managers play a key role here by modeling openness and taking personal issues seriously rather than devaluing them."
There's no need for "therapeutic conversations" in the office, but rather a work environment where people aren't afraid to be human. HR and managers have a responsibility to actively foster this climate – through attitude, language, and structures .
How can HR managers and executives provide targeted support here:
1. Use individual conversations in a targeted manner
One-on-one conversations can create a space for this. A simple question like "How are you doing right now – outside of work, too?" can be a door-opener. HR can act as a sparring partner for managers on how to conduct such conversations sensitively.
2. Design team meetings consciously
Psychological safety can also be promoted in a team context – for example, through regular check-ins or formats like "mood rounds" where personal sensitivities are allowed to be expressed. It's important that no one is forced to participate, but everyone knows: You're allowed to show up as a human being here.
4. Raise awareness among managers
HR should actively contribute to sensitizing managers to the fact that private issues such as loneliness, heartbreak or family stress have a real impact on working life - and are therefore also relevant for leadership. An open attitude can not only strengthen trust, but also have a preventative effect, e.g. in the context of mental health.
Relationship management as part of modern HR
Love and sexuality do not belong in the personnel file. But they do belong in a reflective, inclusive and caring HR culture. HR does not have to ask questions about sex life. But HR can create spaces in which relationship issues are not devalued as embarrassing or private. And it can help to ensure that attachment can be lived in the workplace and that the workload is not so high that it impairs the enjoyment of life.
She can explore new ways of communicating and provide ideas on how these can be implemented in everyday team life. She can listen to the basic human needs of the employees and help to create a sense of joie de vivre and well-being.
Managers do not have to moderate private lives, but they can create good conditions for cohesion: through personal conversations, appreciation, team rituals (including remote ones) and targeted support for strengths. They don't have to be friends, but they are jointly responsible for the quality of relationships in the team. Their task is to facilitate connections - not force them.
Good leadership recognizes that people also exist beyond the office. And does not love performance - but people.
