"Couples always come to me when they can no longer see a way out of a critical situation themselves. This can be at the beginning of a crisis or after years of permanent crisis. The reason for counseling can be a life-changing family situation, such as a birth, a death, a serious illness, a job change, infidelity, but also disrespect, lies, injuries, childlessness, frustration, sexual reluctance or cultural differences," explains the therapist.

In Germany today, one in three marriages ends in divorce. Very few of them seek professional help. Gisela Backes knows why this is the case: "In most cases, at least one person involved is embarrassed to seek outside help or at least one person doesn't believe that therapy will bring about change."

Help for the relationship

Even if some therapies are more difficult than others, Gisela Backes has never advised a couple to separate: "The decision is always made by the couple or at least one person in the partnership. All those who want to accept help or support can be helped. However, if one person makes the decision not to continue the partnership, we can also support the couple in the separation process."

.embed-responsive-16by9 > ARTICLE.privacy-content-box { position: absolute; top: 0; } ARTICLE.privacy-content-box { margin-bottom: 10px; max-width: 650px; padding: 20px 40px; background-color: #EEEEEE; text-align: center; } ARTICLE.privacy-content-box I.cm-icon-lock { color: #3C4859; font-size: 100px !important; } ARTICLE.privacy-content-box P.privacy-box-description { margin-bottom: 5px; } ARTICLE.privacy-content-box A.privacy-link { display: inline-block; margin-bottom: 15px; } ARTICLE.privacy-content-box .btn-green { background-color: #28A745; border-color: #28A745; color: #FFFFFF; } ARTICLE.privacy-content-box .btn-green:hover { background-color: #218838; border-color: #218838; } Das Vorgehen in der Paarberatung ist abhängig davon, was das Ziel der Paarberatung sein soll. „Das kann beispielsweise sein: die Kommunikation zu verbessern, nach Untreue das Vertrauen wieder zu gewinnen, die Sexualität wieder aufleben zu lassen oder als Zweitfamilie zusammen zu wachsen“, führt Backes weiter an. „Es gibt vorbereitende Fragen für eine Paarberatung, die zurückschauen auf den Beginn der Beziehung, auf das hier und jetzt und auf Wünsche für die Zukunft. Diese Fragen dienen als Leitfaden in der Beratung wo sich gegebenenfalls Übungsaufgaben für das Paar ableiten lassen.“

"Overall, I have a large toolbox of methods at my disposal in life coaching. I choose the right approach for the situation at hand." Gisela Backes, couples therapist at pme Familienservice

The way out of the crisis

Therapy has helped Jessica and Daniel. They have resolved to be more aware of each other as a couple again and to invest time in their relationship. There are now times when they are just there for each other. The TV is now turned off more often in the evenings and the housework is sometimes left undone. They then review the day over a glass of wine. One date a month is firmly marked in the calendar.

In the meantime, little Mia is being looked after by a babysitter. For a weekend trip to celebrate their wedding anniversary, even the grandparents, who live far away, were brought in to look after the child. "Time for each other can help. Even if it's just 15 minutes a day in which everyone can communicate without judgment and look for understanding or solutions together," says the therapist. "It's not always possible to find satisfactory answers for everyone involved. In such cases, interim solutions should be found and the topic should be discussed again after a certain period of time."

Daniel wants to try to take a step back in his job so that his wife can pursue new career plans. Everything seems to be taking a good turn. But the important thing is to keep talking! Gisela Backes sums up: "Many people find it difficult to talk to their partner about their wishes, desires and fears. But that's exactly what revitalizes a partnership."

She has a very simple answer to the question of why she thinks it's worth making a commitment to an existing partnership: "Because it's a wonderful feeling to love and be loved and to have a partner by your side."

 

Literature tips:
Be a couple again! Fulfilling togetherness despite work and children by Sascha Schmidt, Publisher: humboldt

 

The truth begins in pairs - The couple in conversation by Michael Lukas Moeller, Publisher: rororo

How partnerships succeed - The rules of love: relationship crises are opportunities for development by Hans Jellouschek, Publisher: Herder