What to do if a colleague dies?
When an employee dies suddenly, colleagues need help to cope with the shock and loss. At the same time, business must continue. A balancing act that psychosocial emergency support can help with.
Martin Kleinbrink*, 54, a lawyer specializing in employment law at a Hamburg-based company, can still remember that one Tuesday in August last year. He was sitting in a meeting with his team when his colleague Ralf suddenly complained of chest pains and slipped out of his chair a few seconds later. Martin Kleinbrink immediately called an ambulance. A first aider tried to resuscitate the unconscious man. But all help came too late. The team colleague was already dead when the paramedics pushed open the door to the meeting room a quarter of an hour later. A heart attack. The shock was profound. Not only for Martin Kleinbrink. "Nobody knew what to do. We were all paralyzed. Ralf wasn't just my colleague. He was also my friend and two days ago we went out for a beer in the evening," says Kleinbrink.
Death as a taboo subject
Death is usually a taboo subject in our society. "When it does happen, very few people know how to behave in the workplace. The initial shock is often followed by silence on the subject," says Joanna Rupik from pme Familienservice, EAP provider for employee support. The qualified social education worker has been part of the psychosocial emergency support team since 2012, which is deployed whenever extreme events occur in companies - such as an accident at work resulting in death, suicide, assault, a shooting spree or the sudden death of an employee. Their task is then to provide psychological support to employees and managers after initial treatment by the police, fire department and crisis intervention team.
Psychosocial emergency support for petrol stations, banks, shopping centers
Emergency psychosocial support is primarily hired by companies that are at high risk of becoming victims of violence. Petrol stations, banks, shopping centers - these companies are aware of the danger that their employees could be attacked, injured and, in the worst case, killed. "In workshops or presentations, we can prepare managers and HR managers on how best to deal with and talk to their employees after a sudden death in the company," explains Rupik.
"The sooner we support those affected, the greater the chance that they will not develop any lasting psychological stress." Joanna Rupik, pme Familienservice
But even companies whose risk of being attacked or taken hostage is extremely low should address the issue of fatalities in companies and how to deal with them properly. After all, grief and sadness cannot be left at the office door. "The faster we support employees, the greater the chance that they won't develop any lasting psychological stress - in other words, that the shock will develop into a post-traumatic experience and the employee will be absent for a very long time," says Rupik.
Most HR managers and team leaders who call Joanna Rupik are very understanding of their affected employees. "Many behave correctly and give those affected space and time to process what has happened." Martin Kleinbrink and his colleagues were also given two days off by their department manager. Anyone who wanted to could work flexibly over the next few days, even from home. That was up to each individual. Together with their boss, they also set up a book of condolence and placed an obituary. "It was good to tidy up our deceased colleague's office with the whole team. It allowed us to say goodbye slowly," Martin Kleinbrink sums up.
A few days of mourning are not enough
A few days to say goodbye together at work is often not enough to get over the shock. Many people are already back at their desks or working in the workshops and only realize days later that the sudden death has affected them more than they initially thought.
How long the shock lasts varies from person to person. "Some people need a few days to recover, others a little longer. It also depends on how close you were to the person who died," explains Rupik. How the colleague died also plays a major role. If an employee commits suicide, colleagues very often ask themselves the question of guilt: shouldn't we have noticed something? And could we have prevented it? Of course, this is a burden. So there is no one-size-fits-all solution for dealing with employees who have lost a colleague. "But we do have experience of how best to support those affected," says Rupik. That's why it makes sense for companies to involve external consultants. The aim behind this is also to get the employee back to work in good health. This is not only a relief for those affected, but also economically smart.
Psychologist and management consultant Gregor Metzger believes that the way in which companies deal with the topic of death in the workplace is crucial to how well colleagues cope with the loss: "If there is no appropriate response from the company management or the manager, for example by only informing the workforce via an information circular, this can lead to an internal rejection of the company or even resignation, according to the motto: "So this is what will be left of me once I leave ... a few moving boxes!".
"If there is no appropriate response from the company management or the manager, this can lead to an internal rejection of the company or even resignation, along the lines of: 'So this is what's left of me once I leave ... A few moving boxes!" Gregor Metzger, psychologist
Joanna Rupik also recommends that the main support should come from direct superiors. "We are therefore primarily available to team leaders and HR managers as coaches and work with them to consider how they can relieve their employees in this extremely exceptional situation."
Group interventions for entire teams
In some cases, however, it is advisable to bring external consultants into the company. As in the case of Martin Kleinbrink's team. "The whole team was present when the colleague was resuscitated and then died. We were very shocked," says Rupik. "That's why we went to the company shortly after it happened and held a group intervention for the whole team to explain the psychological and physical stress that can occur in an extreme event like this. In personal discussions, we looked at what they need so that everyone can overcome the event well. It is important that those affected understand that a wide variety of reactions are completely normal - because the situation they have experienced is not normal.
Psychoeducation is the technical term for this education. "Only when those affected understand what feelings and physical reactions can occur after such an experience and loss can they practice good self-care and pay better attention to whether and what changes in them," explains Joanna Rupik. This understanding is an important prerequisite for preventing permanent traumatic stress disorders from developing.
Martin Kleinbrink also felt uncomfortable in his own skin for a few days after the group intervention and called the psychosocial emergency support hotline. "It did me good to know that I could talk to someone at any time, even at three in the morning. I spoke to a counselor three more times on the phone. It gave me a good way of coming to terms with the experience and the death of my colleague and friend."
*Name changed by the editors.
